No One Ever Told Me...

I was inspired by a friend's Facebook post lamenting not taking her child off the bottle at one year. Her daughter is now two and it is far more challenging than it would have been, she feels, if she had done it a year ago. Mama advice is priceless. Now, sometimes we nod our heads and say to ourselves, "I'm glad that worked for you, but I am so not doing that." And other times it's just not our choice as the parent. My first Mama advice is always--start getting used to not being in control anymore. A friend may tell you how wonderful it has been to breastfeed their child for 3 years. You honor her dedication and respect her as a mother but you have no intention of whipping out the booby for a running, tantrum-throwing toddler. Or maybe you would love nothing more than to do that but your kid is all about the sippy cup at 10 months old. Or you go back to work and logistically you simply cannot make it happen. Or as hard as you try, you can't breastfeed at all. This advice comes with the best of intentions (most of the time--if it's coming with judgement then who needs it anyway), and often this is where we gain the gems of knowledge that we too will eventually pass down.

There are some things, however, that no one ever told me. Either that or 1) I was too sleep-deprived to retain their wisdom or, 2) I didn't want to hear it because I still thought I was running the show or, 3) I heard it but I didn't really know what it meant. So I've been thinking about this for a couple of days but this list is by no means all-inclusive. I know I'm going to keep learning things and adding to this list as my kids grow. And I know you'll have some things to add as well--please do!! Here's my first stab at Things No One Ever Told Me.

1. Once a parent, always a parent. There is no break from this job.

2. You won't always love your choice to become a parent.

3. Diapers and formula are expensive. But when you're done with them you don't see that money because it goes to preschool. When they're done with preschool you don't see that money because it goes to sports. When they're done with sports you don't ... you get the point.

4. You have to buy a new wardrobe for your child (at least your first born) every season.

5. You'll spend a lot of money on babysitters and/or rely on your family and friends a lot. You can't do it alone.

6. The school day is NOT that long.

7. Sometimes you get pissed at your partner for getting you in this position in the first place.

8. Even public school education is expensive and requires at least a little bit of your time and talent. And a bunch of your cash.

9. You will feel judged.

10. It is really worth it to teach your child good eating habits from the day they start eating.

11. Having 3 kids pretty much removes you from the soft-top Jeep buying category.

12. Vacation with the kids is just like every day with the kids but in a foreign place without all your creature comforts.

13. Pilates is a really good idea before even start thinking about getting pregnant.

14. Even if you do pilates, your stomach still might end up looking like elephant knees.

15. Parenting is hard. Really hard.

I heard a lot about how wonderful being a Mom would be, and it has been. I don't ever want to send my kids back to where they came from but I do long for the days of pre-maternal freedom. I long for a lot of things. There's no doubt in my mind that these kids are worth every sacrifice I've made, but I'm keeping it real. I'm not going to pretend it's all fun and games because it's not. I'm a far better person for having this experience. But just like what my own mom told me would probably happen, I've lost a few marbles...and gained a few gems.

Light and Dark in Balance

Today is a day that is created in balance. There are as many hours of light as there are of darkness. The high energies of summer mellow into the more introspective energies of autumn. It is time to harvest what sustains us--releasing back into the Earth the things that don't serve us. Life has light and darkness just as this day does. We only see the shining moon because of the light of the sun.

This is a good weekend to consider the dichotomy within ourselves. Letting go of what might be holding us back from reaching the goals we set earlier this year. That can be internally, such as thought patterns, negative self-talk, excuses, fear, and doubt. It can also be environmentally, revisiting the feng shui of your living spaces, paying close attention to the Knowledge & Self-Cultivation area, one of the most yin areas of your home. This is a great space for introspection and intuition. Truly, taking a feng shui tour of all areas of your home will cause you to reconnect with the intentions you have in all areas of your life in order to examine if you're on the right path for the highest success and happiness.

I'm going to spend tomorrow in my bedroom closet, tucking the summer clothes away, giving this little space a good cleaning and letting it breathe for a bit. Then I'll mindfully put the clothes that fit and flatter me back in in respectable order.

It's also a good time to revisit any goals you set and to check in on your progress. I did this for myself and kind of giggled at what I thought was of top importance last January. Life has a way of spinning me on my own axis, and man has it! I'm on track with a lot of what I wanted to accomplish, and some items I am scratching right off my list. Of course, I have new objectives that were not on my horizon nine months ago--and that's okay! It's a great time to charge myself up with things that motivate me right now while still working toward the more enduring achievements I'm striving for.

And I'm proud of where I am on this day rooted in balance. Acknowledging the hard work you have done and the ground that you've covered is vital. Celebrate your victories, and today let go of your shortcomings. Get outside and put your feet on the Earth, understanding the connection we have to the rhythms of the seasons. If it's raining where you are tonight, which I believe it is in many areas of the U.S., step outside and enjoy a few minutes in the cleansing power of the rain. And smile!

Refrigerator Love

The other day I dedicated 20 minutes to someone that works hard every day for me and my family. She endures the stress of us pulling and hanging on her, and she keeps us safely nourished and hydrated. She helps us get going first thing in the morning and can provide us a little comfort late at night. She's big and strong and cool.

Cleaning my refrigerator is like a ritual. It's an act of gratitude. This is how we need to treat all of our belongings, and our appliances are of optimum importance in Feng Shui. The kitchen itself is the hub of our homes these days. Not only are they the room where we go for storing, preparing, and eating our food, we use our kitchens to gather, to do homework, to pay bills, and to play games. A lot of creativity happens in a kitchen.

In Feng Shui the kitchen, and specifically our appliances, represent prosperity and well-being. The stove is of the utmost importance. Keep your stove sparkling clean, use all the burners, replace missing knobs, and keep it in good working order--that's the recipe for good finances. If your faucet is leaking, that can me a metaphor for money slowly trickling out of your bank account. Do you have funky stuff growing in a tupperware container in the back of your fridge? If so, take care of it and see if your health improves a little bit. Want to clear your head and feel a little less stressed? Pull out the all-natural all-purpose cleaner and scrape the splatters and spills out of your microwave.

It may sound a little out-there to think that the condition in which you keep your kitchen appliances can reflect on the quality of your life, but you know how good you feel when it all gets a deep cleaning. It's renewing and refreshing, and even inspiring! It makes me want to open up a cookbook and create something new. A kitchen nourishes the body and the soul. Treat it and everything that is in it with tender loving care. That energy will come back to you.

9/12 Steps Toward Peace on Earth

Yesterday marked ten years since the 9/11 attack on the United States. I remember I was sitting on the couch with my sweet baby girl (she was about 11 weeks old) watching Matt Lauer interview someone (could you imagine if that was you he was interviewing?) when he stopped to let us know about the first plane. We all know how the rest of that day went. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home from work so we could all be together. As long as we were together it was all going to be alright. I think we even took the dog with us to the local pub to watch what was happening while surrounded by our neighbors. Sharing in this terrible moment in history made me feel a little bit better, a little bit safer.

And then there was September 12. The next day. A new day. We knew a little bit about what had happened but the uncertainty was still there. Things were different...for all Americans. I remember looking at people and feeling connected to them because we shared this day. We were all part of a club--a club that no one wants to join but definitely unites and bonds us together. I looked at people and wondered if they knew someone who perished that day. Maybe they were married to a firefighter. Did they have family far away that they wouldn't see for a long time because they were going to be too afraid to fly in a plane? Were they a Middle Eastern American who would feel discriminated against or judged from now on? Did they look at me and wonder if I doubted my decision to bring a baby in to such a scary world?

Today is September 12. Resemblances of ten years ago linger for me today. We won't ever be the same. But if we can look at strangers on the street and consider their suffering, their fears, their love, their hopes, and their humanity then that is a step toward making this world a better place.

I'm starting with myself. I pledge to be gentle with myself. I know that I am a good person and that most days I do my best at all I endeavor to achieve--the important stuff, anyway. I'm looking at my family and remembering that although we're part of the same family unit we are individuals, each with different challenges and aspirations. My community will be a little bit stronger when I remember that although my neighbor's life looks a lot like mine, I've never walked in their shoes. By embracing each American's right to their own opinions, lifestyles, and choices I am making this great country just a bit more harmonious. And acknowledging that we were all put here on this planet for a reason, and that we all have the potential to fuel our lives with love rather than hate...that will bring a little bit more peace on Earth.

Imagine if we ALL did that?

How to Gain Freedom by Working the To-Do List

A lot of people I know have been tackling "projects" lately. These projects tend to be laborsome, not always fun jobs around the house that just need to get done. We have a list, mental or hard-copy, of these things that are weighing on us. The places in our home that drive us crazy. They make us sigh or scream whenever we are in that space, and we swear we are going to do something about this! As soon as I have time...as soon as I get my bonus...as soon as the kids are in school...as soon as...

What if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your health? Would you deal with that project sooner if you knew it could help your migraines? Or what if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your career? Would it become more of a priority if you knew it could help you get out from under the pile of busy work you have to do so you could be more efficient and affective, doing the work that you enjoy?

Let's make a list of some of those projects--I'll just take a look at projects that are/have been bogging me down:

- closets: organizing and purging

- yard: clearing out debris and generally tidying and cleaning up

- car: vacuuming and removal of kid-related rubbish

- pantry: tossing expired/stale items, cooking with what I have

- playroom: sorting toys to be donated, toys to throw away, reintroducing old toys to spark new creativity in the kids

I could go on, and I know you have your own lists that are scrolling through your brain. Remember the last time you started AND COMPLETED one of these projects? How GOOD does that feel?! It helps us breathe a little deeper, stand a little taller, and think a little clearer when we devote our energy and intention to delving in to these spaces and clearing them out. What if you knew by doing this you would feel less stressed? You will!

I find that Mondays are a day when people start anew. What I want you to do today is pick one of your projects, make it a manageable one (I'm not talking paint the house or something major like that--unless you're really ambitious and driven to do it!). Give yourself a deadline. I'm going to help you--your deadline is this Sunday at 1:00pm. Now take a look at your calendar. Can you start today? Find the pockets of time you have in the next week and write your project on your calendar. Keep in mind that you are doing this for your own well-being. Dedicating time to this is a gift to yourself, even if it's not the most enjoyable exercise to go through. The next step is big--DO IT. You may live in disarray for a bit since this is probably something that can't be completed in one sitting. Active chaos is much better than inactive chaos, and the end product is worth the mess.

Take a before picture for me, then at 1:00 on Sunday step back and look. Then close your eyes and take a deep breath and realize that even though your eyes are closed you can still FEEL a difference. Smile, and pour yourself a mimosa, a coffee, a bloody mary, a beer, a milkshake, a green tea, an ice water with lemon, whatever your celebratory treat may be and be thankful to yourself for the gift you've just given and received.

I bet by this time next week you'll be reading my next blog feeling a little lighter and a bit more prepared to tackle the week that lies ahead.

Happy Feng Shui'ing!

I am a student of LIFE

My best friend is back at the college campus where we met (gulp) 20 years ago, this time starting up her Masters Program. She is walking around campus watching the parents drop off their child at their dorm, or their first apartment, or their last year at the sorority house. We got nostalgic about the old bars we frequented and the parties we attended. To think back to that time and consider how naive I was. These kids that are arriving at college think they know it all. Leaving the nest and vying in the real world on their own for the first time. Man, I learned a lot in those 4 years. A year and a half in the Business School, two and a half years in the School of Human Development, and 4 solid years in the School of Learn From Your Mistakes.

That period of our lives, in our late teens and early twenties are so full of learning. I look at my elementary school-aged kids now and am amazed at their propensity for grasping new concepts. And we've all heard how toddlers can pick up a second language so much easier than anyone else. My friend is in her late 30's and is embarking on this next level of higher education--knowing so much more than she did when she was in college a couple decades ago. Reflecting on my own life I marvel at how I have changed and grown since becoming a mother 10 years ago. Ten years from now I'll have three children leaving my nest and commencing the stage of learning that only happens by jumping in with both feet. Whoa--scary! (For Mom!) But it's a necessary part of life. Thank goodness they have me to prepare them for it now ;).

Life IS learning. We are on this planet for a finite amount of time and our task is to learn and grow. I know people who didn't go to college but have had experiences that make them some of the wisest people I know. In turn, I know people with a couple of degrees who I wonder if "they'll ever learn." Not everyone is open to receive the teaching in what life offers us every day. That is what I want to foster in my kids. The inquisitiveness to question, the receptivity to accept, and the humility to know that there is always something new to gain, something to help us become wiser, kinder, happier, and higher.

These are some frightening "before" pictures of my office. I was deeply in need of a space for me to close off the rest of my house and the rest of my life and BE.

Be creative. Be thoughtful. Be organized. Be deliberate. Be INSPIRED!!

After about a month of procrastinating and feeling the weight of this space on my shoulders (you know that feeling--it shows us the connection our bodies have to our environments) I have created a beautiful, vibrant, and thoroughly enjoyable space! See the "after" shots...

aaaaahhhhhh~~~

This place makes me happy !

Have a great weekend, y'all!

The First Day of the Rest of my Life

It's the first day of school. I have been home with my 3 kids for 81 days (minus 2 for a quick trip to my high school reunion). If I think of my energy sources, my patience, my joie de vivre as a fountain, my flow is down to a slow trickle. Now, I am I happy to say that I'm better off than I have been in years past, where my fountain was bone dry on the first day of school. Moms can relate--maybe anyone can relate to the fact that even something (or someone) that you love so much can just zap the life out of you if you don't have a little variety from time to time. Yes, Mamas, we should take care of ourselves. So we have more to give our families, so we don't lose touch with the women we were before we had kids. La la la...it's so cliche now. When it comes down to it, caring for our children is in a sense caring for ourselves. It is a calling I've had deep in my soul my entire life and maybe I didn't exercise regularly this summer, maybe I didn't read a single book, maybe I proclaimed "it's 5:00 somewhere!" too many times, but I am living the life I've always dreamed of--the life of a Mom.

Another cliche that is boring me to tears is the idea that we can attain balance as women. I now think of balance as I think of happiness. You don't 'get to' happiness...it's a flow, it's how you are as you travel life's ups and downs, it's an awareness that this moment is good. Life is ever changing so I don't see how the typical definition of balance can be attained. Can we really have equal distribution of time/attention going to work, and play, and family, and friends, and self, and God, and the grocery store? Just for kicks I looked up the definition of balance and found a new way that I am going to think of balance: mental steadiness or emotional stability. We may be thrown a huge project at work that forces us to work longer hours, or our child may get strep throat which keeps us tending to them rather than performing our household duties--our time may not be balanced but if through all of this we remain steady and calm--and happy--well, that spells success to me.

So how did my fountain get so depleted? Traveling with the family, a very lose schedule, staying up late every night, not checking in with myself to connect with my gratitude...I have many lessons for myself. For now I am going to work on filling up my fountain again. Today I'll add a bucket, tomorrow it might just be a few drops, but eventually, with focus and persistence, it will be flowing again. But this is my life...made up of many, many days, each offering me a chance to reflect and grow. As a whole I look at my life and I am grateful and I call it a happy life. My task is to live that each moment of each day, because every day is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Seashell Meditation

Written after a walk on the beach last week...

Walking down the beach, pausing to pick up whatever orange seashell catches my eye. There are thousands of shells dusting the shoreline but I want only the deepest orange (a color I have been drawn to probably since I became an Orangeman at Syracuse University in 1991 but it has stuck with me for different reasons since then). For one of the plethora to catch my eye and cause me to stop my consistent gate…I pick it up, rub the sand off with my fingers, making sure it’s no one’s current home, then put in my collection bag.

The sound of the waves completing and resting over the tops of my feet. This particular beach in Florida has more trash than I prefer to see—well, I prefer to see no trash on the beach, but what I can’t pick up I see as a distraction from my walking meditation.

The word, or is it the name, GRACE written in shells just upshore. The squeals of little children running to their father, asking “Daddy, can I take my shirt off?” There are a good number of Haitian families here and their beach attire is different than what we’re accustomed to. Yes, child, take off your shirt. Take it all in.

My focus goes back to the scan of the wet sand for my orange shells. Oh—a really cool striped grey and white shell. That’s worth holding on to. Literally. Holding it in my hand. Connecting with the uniqueness of this, and each other shell that I lift from the Earth. The ocean reminds me of the vastness of this planet and the connectedness of us all—people, plants, water, animals, sea creatures, each grain of sand between my toes. For one shell to catch my eye and for me to make this a part of my world…it’s a mindful practice, shell hunting.

Looking up to catch a glimpse of the high rise hotel. This is not my idea of beauty. I look to the East and instead gaze upon the cloud formations just above the horizon. I notice the fine mist of rain dusting my forehead. I hadn’t realized it was raining a minute ago.

Cool! Smooth rocks and a really great stone that looks like years of sentiment have built up to create this beautiful one-of-a-kind gem that has found it’s temporary home directly in my path.

What a gift, what a treasure, to be able to walk the shore and take in the gifts that nature has to offer: the mist, the sea, the shells and stones, the children, and the clouds. At one point I almost felt compelled to make the sign of the cross. A symbol of reverence more relative to my younger years, I realize I’m deeply moved and connected not only to my environment but to my higher self. Hands in prayer at hearts center is more of my current mudra. I continued and walked grateful on my path, and plan to carry all of this with me.

Tips for Wealth & Prosperity

There are certain life energies that resonate with different zones in our homes. This may sound kind of "woo-woo" to you, and I could start talking a bit about Quantum Physics (Who am I kidding? I can't really have a conversation about Quantum Physics.), or you can try to just embrace it and give it a try.

We can agree that where your thoughts and attention go, energy goes. Yes? Okay, so let's talk about the energy that goes to the Wealth & Prosperity area of our homes. In very general terms, when you walk in the front door of your house (which you should use as your main entrance whenever possible) to to the far left corner of your house. If you have an attached porch or deck, this should be considered part of the footprint of your space. This general area is where your Wealth & Prosperity energy lives.

What's there now?

If it has clutter of any sort--an overflowing closet, a messy desk, a collection of broken pots and dead plants--clear that out! Dedicate your time and energy to cleaning it up and getting rid of whatever doesn't say MONEY to you. And let's think about that--what does say money to you? Pictures of grand travels you want to take? A luxury car? A new kitchen? Or what about playing golf every week or going to the spa on a regular basis? As you're doing your cleaning and purging visualize yourself doing/being/having what looks like "the good life" to you--whatever that may be.

Once you've got this space all cleared out and sparkling, you can use some elements to enhance the good energy, the life force energy--the chi in the Wealth & Prosperity of your life. If it's an outdoor space adding something that moves in the wind is a great choice. Think windchimes (maybe with coins that jingle in the breeze?), whirly-gigs, flags, etc. Flowers or feeders that attract birds and/or butterflies are also great here.

The color purple is very powerful in this area of your home, as are jewel tones--rich ruby reds, golds, and deep royal blues. The fire element gets things moving, like candles, lamps, and triangular or conical shapes. And a trickling fountain is a wonderful enhancement for this area (just make sure the water isn't flowing toward the outside of your house, like money flowing out--you want it flowing in.

You can walk in to any room in your house or office and apply the same fixes. You always find the back left of the space based on the main entrance to the room. My website has a diagram of how the life energies map out over your floor plan. Your main entrance is (almost) always going to fall in either the Knowledge & Self-Cultivation, the Career, or the Helpful People & Travel area. http://cristinzinspiredliving.com/feng_shui.html

I hope this gives you some Wealth & Prosperity inspiration this morning! Happy enhancing!

peace, love, and wild riches~

Happy Independence Day!

I spent last night watching the students of the local ballroom dancing school perform in the town square in a small central Florida town. There was free ice cream, a bounce house for the kids, even a couple baby tigers from the local animal preserve. Maybe a couple hundred people, lots of young families, lots of old folks—just gathering for some good ‘ol American fun.

I stood watching the patrons and participants, imagining how different their lives are from mine. Me, a girl from a middle class family in Massachusetts, raising my family in a middle class suburb just outside Atlanta. I sensed a lot of these people never left their hometown. They lived a simpler life it seemed.

How often do we observe the people around us and identify all the ways in which we’re different. Why is that? For me to be plopped in this little town center I felt like I was in a different world, a different time. But if I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture, me and all of those people as a snapshot compared to the rest of the world, well, we aren’t so different from one another. Parents raising families, younger generations caring for the aging, gathering to celebrate Independence Day in this great country.

Life changes so quickly (or persistently) and sometimes it’s not so easy to figure out our place in this world. So we look at the people around us to try to measure against some barometer. It’s like we use the process of elimination to figure out what we’re not by looking at the ways in which we’re different from the people around us. This can reveal our core values, showing us what we want to be/have/do with our lives, or showing us what we don’t want to emulate.

The exercise that I’m focusing on these days, however, is to find the ways in which I am similar to the people, not only in my own community, but in the world at large. Our paths can be drastically different, the life that we’re born in to can be worlds apart. My situation is simpler than so many. I don’t feel that my challenges are really any harder than anyone else’s. I realize I am fortunate, so fortunate. I always reflect around the 4th of July holiday what it means to be born a white person in America with a wealth of opportunities available to me. But put all that aside—we are one human race sharing a finite time on this planet. I want to connect with people by finding whatever I can that makes us the same—sharing in those life experiences that we all have.

I’m a woman. I’m a mother. I’m a partner, a daughter, a sister. I believe in freedom. I value creative expression and following a spiritual path. I admire hard work. I know that laughter heals and binds people together. I feel that if we all speak, listen, and act from the heart then the time we’re sharing right now is going to be better.

Deep down in the core we’re all the same. If we can peel back all the layers that keep us apart--all those worldly things that make our lives look so vastly different--imagine how peaceful the world would be.

Happy Birthday America~

New Lessons Learned

Somewhere along the way I learned that taking care of myself was an indulgence. Massages were a treat on vacation. Facials were when the winter wind chapped my face so badly it needed repair. Pedicures were for weddings.

A new chiropractor asked me if I have down time every day. If I exercise and stretch. Do I get enough sleep each night? Do I drink plenty of water? Somewhere I learned along the way that it is silly for me, a Mom/wife/woman to prioritize these things in my day. I learned that what I do for others is more important than what I do for myself.

Annual doctors visits. Dental check-ups every 6 months. Getting adjusted every couple of weeks. A yoga class every Friday.
OR
An oil change every 3,000 miles. Piano lessons for the kids. Laundry. Volunteering in the classroom. Paying the bills. Going to the grocery store. Again.

Why do the things on the self-care list seem more acceptable to put off than the things on the care-for-others list?

When did DOING become more meaningful than BEING?

I began to see the flaw in this learning several years ago and I started to change it. I'll leave wilting flowers and a stack of mail to go kayak on the river for 45 minutes. I'll wake up early so I can go for a walk before my husband goes to work. I'll bake scones instead of unloading the dishwasher. I'm getting there, and I feel like I'm a good example to other women out there who don't deem themselves worthy of being at the top of their own to-do list.

I want to give myself 30 minutes each day to read. I can't seem to do it. I want to meditate--but at least I know I'm not alone in the world of wanna-be-meditators. I want to have a health maintenance routine that includes chiropractic, body work, yoga, healthful eating, date night, writing, and spending time in nature. I don't want to feel guilty or overindulgent about it. I want to help teach other women/wives/mothers that this is the way to a happy and fulfilled life. Each day is one more opportunity to become more whole. By filling it with "what I did" I'm taking a little bit away from "who I am." Or at least I'm not contributing to the essence of who I want to be.

I'm realistic too...I recognize that some days shit just has to get done. The Universe doesn't revolve around me--I understand. i'm not saying that everyone around me needs to suffer so I can get a bubble bath on Sunday morning. I'm just declaring that I'm letting go of the guilt. I'm rejecting the learning of 38 years and I'm going to treat this body and soul the way that every body and soul deserves to be treated. LIke anything that's worthwhile, it's not going to be easy. But maybe if I have others making the same commitment we can support each other. Who's with me? What's your promise to your higher self?

peace, love, and dental floss...

Time Suckage

I took my kids to the library today and ventured to the quieter adult section to find a book on Hindu Mythology, a recent interest. In the same section, an area chock-full of fascinating materials from yoga to cyclopses, I pulled a book from the shelves that looked interesting from the spine. After holding it in my hands for about a minute I realized I have already read it cover to cover. I checked it out of this same library maybe--I don't know--maybe 2 years ago. It was recommended to me by the librarian checking me out. I went back to the stacks to find it, her review so glowing. I devoured it, finding inspiration on every page. As I was holding it today I was thrilled at the prospect of revisiting this piece. But when did I find the time to read it the first time? I recall sitting on the futon in my home office, I remember making notes, probably even blogging about the paths my thoughts travelled as I contemplated the messages in this text. When did I find time to blog? I love blogging! I love reading books that inspire me and make me think and ponder!

How did I lose this time?!

It's pathetic that it's a cliche now, but Facebook is a huge culprit. Damn it, woman! Check out already. Check out and CHECK IN. I have never been good at time management or prioritization. There is something magnetic--like those giant horseshoe type magnets--about Facebook. But I cower to think about how many hours I have wasted being a voyeur in other people's lives. And I'm a poster--I post a lot. I get pretty good feedback...I think I'm pretty good at it. But really, if I didn't share that funny thing that my kid said or the "check out the cool thing I'm doing right now" picture would my life be any worse? I'm not going to say I'm stopping, I'm just making a consideration.

And as a Mom of young children, they change every year and season-to-season things are not the same. This summer is a completely different experience than last summer. It requires constant readjusting and refocusing. It's hard to keep up! My kids are changing at a much faster pace than I am and that's nature, but I have to make the time to nurture my own change as we go. I need to keep reading (or rereading!). I need to keep writing. I need to keep my eye on my personal goals and do something to step closer to them each and every day. And I need to be present enough to recognize when those goals morph in to something different and direct even a little bit of energy to snapping a new line between here and my new destination.

I love Facebook, really. And I love my kids. And I love my kids' school. And I love cooking meals. And I love exercise. And I love my girlfriends. And I love housework. Ha! No I don't! But I try to love it as I'm doing it because it has to be done.

I need to love myself enough to work my own life mission, the discovery of my passion, the quiet, contemplative time back in to my daily schedule. I need to put it on my Google calendar. I need to be willing to drop everything and retreat inside--and stay there a while.

Gosh, writing this felt SO GOOD!!

peace, love, and Spiritual Literacy (the book I checked out of the library again)~

I am not perfect. And to me it's so much easier to like myself because I'm not. What is perfect? It's to be without flaws, and none of us are flawless. So perfection is just an illusion. Perfection is something we create in our minds based on what we think others would like or expect. And what we would like or expect of ourselves is what we would seek in others, right? The fact of the matter is we all have cracks in our veneer, and I'm back on the path to embracing mine.

You know those book cases you buy that have the hard shell on the outside but inside it's just particle board? Little by little, with each move and bump and spill that shell cracks or peels and the material underneath begins to swell and warp. This book shelf is considered somewhat disposable. Sure, occasionally we are able to use that college book case decades after you graduated. Sometimes it holds up to the wear and tear. It still doesn't have much character though.

I want to be sure the essence of what I'm made of is pure. Solid, strong, quality stuff. We all have an outer layer that we show the world around us. We see someone in line at the grocery store and we can tell a story in our heads as to who they are...what those superficial elements of their life may be...tennis player, busy mom, landscaper, high school basketball player. But those veneers can't really express what we're made of. Our core, the deep and complex substance that makes us each individuals, beautifully unique, cannot be seen from the outer layer we move through life in.

My vulnerabilities, my weaknesses, they make me who I am. But for every soft spot I have that might make me lose it all together I've got 3 hard-as-nails strengths that will prevent that from happening. My weaknesses show me the areas where I can grow. That's the stuff I'm working on. That is the work of life. The cracks in my veneer? I celebrate them. They're the spots where my true self peeks through, the real me that I'm not afraid to show the world. I'd rather spend my energy working on the core stuff then to expend it all trying to maintain a glossy finish. If we spend too much time doing that then before we know it, we're just candy coated particle board.

Don't get me wrong, I like living in a world where there is so much that is pleasing to my eye. I love costume jewelry and Banana Republic pants (because they're the only ones that make my butt look good) and I adore my hair stylist who knows that I like to keep it funky (anything that doesn't look too suburban mom-ish). I could say I go to the gym just for the cardiovascular benefits. And I like to sit at the coffee shop and watch the people come in and out, pretending I know what their life might be like. That's really just my creative imagination. I'm probably making up stories for them that solve the deeper questions I ask about myself. I fix my own flaws in the stories I create about other people. We all do it. We're human. But deep down we all are made of richer, more gorgeous stuff than can ever be seen by the eye. And I like to think the little scratches on my surface, my imperfections--they sometimes show through, right along with the surface dings and love handles. And maybe they make someone else feel okay with the same thing in themselves. Maybe I can help someone relax enough to see that it's those things that make us beautiful.

That's what I'm working on.

peace, love, and antique furniture...

Be gentle today

Do you feel like big things are happening? I sense we're in the swirl of a large shift as exhibited by an intensity in natural occurances, emotions, and interactions. I was awake at 1:00am listening to frequent rumbling thunder that lasted 10 seconds or more. Then again at 5:30 I woke to the same storm, still right over my head it seemed. I don't recall such a persistent storm in my adult life. The earthquake and tsunami in Japan is still reeling in everyone's mind. Myanmar was then struck by an earthquake. The Super Moon on the Spring Equinox. Closer to home emotions seem to be running higher. Sensitivity is at it's pique. I sense a general feeling of unsettledness. My advice--be gentle. Take it easy. Take a breath. Exercise, drinking plenty of water, and eating healthy will help cleanse and balance our bodies. Plenty of sleep and quiet time will calm our minds. Keep it simple. We can't solve the problems of the world and we can't change the challenges in our own lives unless we come from a central place of calm and love. Soften around the things that make you aggitated. A shift is just that, a change from one direction to another. Like all change, you can fight it or you can go with it. Change is inevitable, and if you focus on the positive that is what will appear on the other side of this shift. So take today for what it is. "What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow. Our life is the creation of our mind." (Buddha)

Stalled between Winter and Spring

Little bulbs are popping up and blooming right next to where I step out of my car. I don't remember planting them last fall. In fact, I thought I planted bulbs the year before but they never bloomed. At any rate, each time I arrive home I open my door and am greeted by these gorgeous orange and yellow faces staring at me saying "spring is here!" With the windows open I can hear the chatter of the various birds greeting each other after a long winter away. It sounds so different than the cool silence of the past season. My vine is green again and it's little purple flowers are beckoning all the bees to our back deck. The chimes are blowing in the breeze.

I love the dependability of spring. Change is constant in our environment and I find comfort in the predictability of the change of seasons. We always know what is coming next. Some years are rainier than others, some years bring devastating acts of nature, some years are scorchers. But we know that after winter comes spring which always heats up to summer, then followed by the crisp reprieve of fall and back to the chill of winter again. Change is constant. And it's not only constant in our environment--it is constant within each of us.

I want to grow and evolve as a person. I want to make a positive impact and learn from the challenges I'm faced with. Why can't I see and appreciate the things that have gone dormant in myself? Why can't I see the gift of this awareness being like the tiny bud that can grow in to something beautiful? But WHAT and WHEN?! I can't know that! I can't see what is coming up around the corner--what that change is going to be and how it is going to affect me.

I have to have faith.

Faith .. Strength .. Endurance .. Patience .. Presence .

I'm finding it hard to find the joy in the monotonous routine of my life. I can think of a million things that fill me with joy--I am abundantly blessed. But I'm eager to know--what's next? It's as if nothing is new, but everything is new...all at the same time. Is that where the saying "the more things change, the more they stay the same" comes from? I have to know that each moment and each experience is a gift. We don't go to sleep on a snowy night and wake up to the world in full bloom. There is a process...a constantly working system unfolding deep in the places we don't see with the human eye. And it's happening to me now too. My frustration, fatigue, my searching...it's all a part of my process. I may not see and opening of petals or a juicy tomato at the end. There is no end...

The process is the journey, and the journey is the purpose.

"Ah-ha!" moments are nice though. I think I could use an ah-ha moment. In the meantime, I'm going to change things up in my environment a bit to go along with the changes going on internally. Bath before dinner, music during homework, fresh orange in my margarita!! Maybe just a few little shifts will help me find the joy in even the most tedious of tasks. After all, I wouldn't appreciate the spring so much if I didn't endure the winter. And I'll remember do what Ralph Waldo Emerson said to do--"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."

peace, love, and spring showers...

What a week can do

I'm happy, it's true. I think when my kids were younger, like babies, was the last time I wasn't happy. And of course, it's not that I didn't love them or wasn't appreciative of the life I have. I just wasn't happy. What used to be so physically demanding with 3 kids born within 3 years of each other is now mentally fatiguing. Besides keeping up with the schedules, commitments, homework, projects, and to-do lists, it's the conversations I'm having with my kids as well. I always wanted to be the mom who snuggles with their kids and talks through their problems with them. But these things require thinking and delicate wording. And I think about them when they're not with me and wonder how they're handling a challenging relationship or if they're practicing good self-control. I want to check in with them and see how thing are going--I want to stay on top of the things that are important to them in their lives. In many ways, I'm forced to be more in the moment than ever before.

I used to have the calendar for at least the next week programmed in my brain. I started packing for a trip a week before we left. I had our summer schedule sketched out to be sure we wouldn't miss registration for summer camp. These days it's so much more day-by-day. With babies it's day-by-day too, but I got through it by planning for the fun stuff ahead. Now I'm running out for road snacks the night before a trip for which I have no detailed itinerary. And I realize that all of that is just fine! But it's new...it's a new normal for me, and it takes some getting used to.

If I were to compare it to a corporate job, it's like I've been reassigned to a new team. Still working for the same great organization, still drinking the same Kool-aid, I just need to learn a new set of standard practices. And in doing so, I need to stay grounded and not let the days and weeks escape me in the flurry of activity.

I've gotten back in to my yoga practice which has been so helpful to me. You know, I started to panic a little when I saw Susie Orman telling me on the TV that I'll never have enough money to retire or send my kids to college. And reading in one of my magazines that unless I commit to 30 minutes of vigorous cardio exercise at least 5 days a week I can plan on gaining at least 5 pounds every year from here on out. AAAHHHH!! What are we doing this all for?!

Then this divine yoga instructor tells me to work on pulling my rib cage in. That's it. So that's what I've been doing. I've been mindful of my rib cage--and it feels so wonderful! I can do something! I can do something for me, right now, that feels good and will make my life better moving forward. Each day as I motor through all the commitments that I have made (for myself and for each of the rest of my family for whom I make commitments), I must do something for me. I must quiet my mind and reflect on where I am in this journey. I must listen to my children with all my heart. I must make choices that leave the most of me accessible to my little tribe. And I must be willing to let some things go. I feel like for many weeks I just haven't been aware of the state I was in. Now that I know better, I'm going to do better. Just knowing that makes me feel so empowered.

Incomplete post from about a week ago...

My last blog post was December 27, and it was the 4th part of what was supposed to be a 5 part series. This seems somewhat indicative of how my life has been going, now that we're in to March already (can you believe it?!). I have been just as busy as a bee. After spending the fall running around with 3 kids in different activities, a new role as Environmental Education Chair with the PTA, new teachers, my sister's wedding, a couple weekend getaways, and a kitchen renovation, I began 2011 with a craving for "home time." I missed cooking for my family and the energy that swirls around in what was known as the witching hour when the kids were toddlers. Now it's homework and stories of the day's events, battling to keep the technology off and the family connecting. I've been reading the same novel since September. I still am not meditating or journaling. My mom is ready to disown me because I don't stay in touch. But I'm happy! My life is so full. I love this pace of life (well, I wish it were a tad slower to be honest) and I signed up for this chaos when I had 3 children.

As a home composter, recycler, and general nature lover, this PTA position just seemed like a natural fit. I think it's really important for me to get involved in my kids school (they're all 3 at the same school right now)--the parental involvement is a big part of what makes it such a fabulous school. But what started off as a relatively low commitment role, I have morphed in to a bigger endeavor. I started an environmental club with 4th and 5th graders and am getting them involved in some really cool projects and field trips. I really just started this because I wanted to go tree climbing (which we'll be doing in April). And then I have 2 girls in Girl Scouts. I'm not troop leader or anything (bless those women!) but I've got to do my part to help out. Add on all the school projects and parties, and the lacrosse, ice skating, music, and swimming...

What's missing here is ME. Like I said, I'm really happy and I'm really enjoying all these undertakings because they all speak to my passions. My life is overflowing with wonderfully rewarding avocations. But something is missing. There's a connection that has been dropped, a curtain that has been drawn. It wasn't until I went back to one of my favorite yoga studios and practiced with enchanting instructor that I saw it. And I felt it.