Our Character is Our Legacy

I am a seeker. I am on a quest to become a better person each day and to be of service during my time here. In recent weeks I have been struggling with what it is that I contribute. In reality, I've been struggling with this for years. Socrates said "an unexamined life is not worth living" and I do feel my experiences are richer and my life feels more meaningful since I've been living with more intention. Still, when I pause to look at my world I wonder if I am deserving of such abundance. I have a beautiful family and we're all healthy, I have a lovely home, I have resources to do the things I love, I have support from so many angles, and I have an open mind with which to explore. I'd like to think that my good fortune is some sort of karmic justice, but I am far from flawless. What am I to learn from the challenges and hardships I'm faced with? How do I find the positive and spread that to those I touch?

I lost a friend over the weekend. A woman I will remember as being a vibrant force with a voracious laugh, bounding energy, and an authentic, loving heart. I don't know much about her career or other accomplishments other than people were attracted to her and she had troves of friends. Her impact during her limited 40-years here was undeniable. If for no other reason than she was a true and loyal friend. And that counts! That counts MORE than anything else I would argue.

I don't ask why as my faith gives me the peace of knowing there is a greater plan. As non-violent as I am, however, if cancer were an animate object that could be obliterated wholly and completely, I would go ballistic on it's ass. But what is the great plan for me? Am I living up to whatever expectations my higher power has for me? Maybe there are no expectations--maybe it's up to me to determine what my highest potential is and to go for it, and be content.

This weekend also brought me two very proud moments that made me feel good about the work I do, as staying positive and being open are often hard work. They may seem simple and small in the grand scheme of the work that has to be done on this planet, but I took them as little messages that I'm on the right path. First, after selling a concert ticket to a 20-something on craigslist I got a phone call from him. He expressed his gratitude for sharing what I had with him, knowing I had taken a loss in the sale. He was inspired by my husband and my excitement for him to enjoy this event and wanted to assure me that selling this to him was a good deed--that the opportunity was well-timed and much appreciated. This kid's efforts to make me see my smallest acts as being impactful on others was such a gift to me.

Secondly, a neighborhood kid who has a reputation as being troubled and a bully knocked on our door. He said his parents were arguing again so he walked down to our house in the rain. He played with the kids for a while then we all played a board game. When I found out about the loss of my friend he asked why I was sad. I explained what happened and he softened and came to give me a hug. This little boy who has hardships of his own came to comfort me. To have a home that feels safe for other people and to share that kind of compassion in this space I've created was another gift for me to realize.

I think feeling unworthy of this beautiful life is one of my flaws to correct. We are ALL worthy--worthy of the very best that we can create in our imagination. None of us are perfect, and sometimes bad things happen to really good people. Our intentions are what change the vibration surrounding us and even when those inevitable challenges or the suffering enters our reality, it's how we respond that builds our character. And our character is our legacy. The choices I make now will be the basis for what my loved ones are talking about when my time comes. I'm choosing to operate from a place of gratitude and love. With that I hope to be guided to wherever I can make a positive impact, no matter how small.

Refrigerator Love

The other day I dedicated 20 minutes to someone that works hard every day for me and my family. She endures the stress of us pulling and hanging on her, and she keeps us safely nourished and hydrated. She helps us get going first thing in the morning and can provide us a little comfort late at night. She's big and strong and cool.

Cleaning my refrigerator is like a ritual. It's an act of gratitude. This is how we need to treat all of our belongings, and our appliances are of optimum importance in Feng Shui. The kitchen itself is the hub of our homes these days. Not only are they the room where we go for storing, preparing, and eating our food, we use our kitchens to gather, to do homework, to pay bills, and to play games. A lot of creativity happens in a kitchen.

In Feng Shui the kitchen, and specifically our appliances, represent prosperity and well-being. The stove is of the utmost importance. Keep your stove sparkling clean, use all the burners, replace missing knobs, and keep it in good working order--that's the recipe for good finances. If your faucet is leaking, that can me a metaphor for money slowly trickling out of your bank account. Do you have funky stuff growing in a tupperware container in the back of your fridge? If so, take care of it and see if your health improves a little bit. Want to clear your head and feel a little less stressed? Pull out the all-natural all-purpose cleaner and scrape the splatters and spills out of your microwave.

It may sound a little out-there to think that the condition in which you keep your kitchen appliances can reflect on the quality of your life, but you know how good you feel when it all gets a deep cleaning. It's renewing and refreshing, and even inspiring! It makes me want to open up a cookbook and create something new. A kitchen nourishes the body and the soul. Treat it and everything that is in it with tender loving care. That energy will come back to you.

Seashell Meditation

Written after a walk on the beach last week...

Walking down the beach, pausing to pick up whatever orange seashell catches my eye. There are thousands of shells dusting the shoreline but I want only the deepest orange (a color I have been drawn to probably since I became an Orangeman at Syracuse University in 1991 but it has stuck with me for different reasons since then). For one of the plethora to catch my eye and cause me to stop my consistent gate…I pick it up, rub the sand off with my fingers, making sure it’s no one’s current home, then put in my collection bag.

The sound of the waves completing and resting over the tops of my feet. This particular beach in Florida has more trash than I prefer to see—well, I prefer to see no trash on the beach, but what I can’t pick up I see as a distraction from my walking meditation.

The word, or is it the name, GRACE written in shells just upshore. The squeals of little children running to their father, asking “Daddy, can I take my shirt off?” There are a good number of Haitian families here and their beach attire is different than what we’re accustomed to. Yes, child, take off your shirt. Take it all in.

My focus goes back to the scan of the wet sand for my orange shells. Oh—a really cool striped grey and white shell. That’s worth holding on to. Literally. Holding it in my hand. Connecting with the uniqueness of this, and each other shell that I lift from the Earth. The ocean reminds me of the vastness of this planet and the connectedness of us all—people, plants, water, animals, sea creatures, each grain of sand between my toes. For one shell to catch my eye and for me to make this a part of my world…it’s a mindful practice, shell hunting.

Looking up to catch a glimpse of the high rise hotel. This is not my idea of beauty. I look to the East and instead gaze upon the cloud formations just above the horizon. I notice the fine mist of rain dusting my forehead. I hadn’t realized it was raining a minute ago.

Cool! Smooth rocks and a really great stone that looks like years of sentiment have built up to create this beautiful one-of-a-kind gem that has found it’s temporary home directly in my path.

What a gift, what a treasure, to be able to walk the shore and take in the gifts that nature has to offer: the mist, the sea, the shells and stones, the children, and the clouds. At one point I almost felt compelled to make the sign of the cross. A symbol of reverence more relative to my younger years, I realize I’m deeply moved and connected not only to my environment but to my higher self. Hands in prayer at hearts center is more of my current mudra. I continued and walked grateful on my path, and plan to carry all of this with me.