Stalled between Winter and Spring

Little bulbs are popping up and blooming right next to where I step out of my car. I don't remember planting them last fall. In fact, I thought I planted bulbs the year before but they never bloomed. At any rate, each time I arrive home I open my door and am greeted by these gorgeous orange and yellow faces staring at me saying "spring is here!" With the windows open I can hear the chatter of the various birds greeting each other after a long winter away. It sounds so different than the cool silence of the past season. My vine is green again and it's little purple flowers are beckoning all the bees to our back deck. The chimes are blowing in the breeze.

I love the dependability of spring. Change is constant in our environment and I find comfort in the predictability of the change of seasons. We always know what is coming next. Some years are rainier than others, some years bring devastating acts of nature, some years are scorchers. But we know that after winter comes spring which always heats up to summer, then followed by the crisp reprieve of fall and back to the chill of winter again. Change is constant. And it's not only constant in our environment--it is constant within each of us.

I want to grow and evolve as a person. I want to make a positive impact and learn from the challenges I'm faced with. Why can't I see and appreciate the things that have gone dormant in myself? Why can't I see the gift of this awareness being like the tiny bud that can grow in to something beautiful? But WHAT and WHEN?! I can't know that! I can't see what is coming up around the corner--what that change is going to be and how it is going to affect me.

I have to have faith.

Faith .. Strength .. Endurance .. Patience .. Presence .

I'm finding it hard to find the joy in the monotonous routine of my life. I can think of a million things that fill me with joy--I am abundantly blessed. But I'm eager to know--what's next? It's as if nothing is new, but everything is new...all at the same time. Is that where the saying "the more things change, the more they stay the same" comes from? I have to know that each moment and each experience is a gift. We don't go to sleep on a snowy night and wake up to the world in full bloom. There is a process...a constantly working system unfolding deep in the places we don't see with the human eye. And it's happening to me now too. My frustration, fatigue, my searching...it's all a part of my process. I may not see and opening of petals or a juicy tomato at the end. There is no end...

The process is the journey, and the journey is the purpose.

"Ah-ha!" moments are nice though. I think I could use an ah-ha moment. In the meantime, I'm going to change things up in my environment a bit to go along with the changes going on internally. Bath before dinner, music during homework, fresh orange in my margarita!! Maybe just a few little shifts will help me find the joy in even the most tedious of tasks. After all, I wouldn't appreciate the spring so much if I didn't endure the winter. And I'll remember do what Ralph Waldo Emerson said to do--"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."

peace, love, and spring showers...