Somewhere along the way I learned that taking care of myself was an indulgence. Massages were a treat on vacation. Facials were when the winter wind chapped my face so badly it needed repair. Pedicures were for weddings.
A new chiropractor asked me if I have down time every day. If I exercise and stretch. Do I get enough sleep each night? Do I drink plenty of water? Somewhere I learned along the way that it is silly for me, a Mom/wife/woman to prioritize these things in my day. I learned that what I do for others is more important than what I do for myself.
Annual doctors visits. Dental check-ups every 6 months. Getting adjusted every couple of weeks. A yoga class every Friday.
OR
An oil change every 3,000 miles. Piano lessons for the kids. Laundry. Volunteering in the classroom. Paying the bills. Going to the grocery store. Again.
Why do the things on the self-care list seem more acceptable to put off than the things on the care-for-others list?
When did DOING become more meaningful than BEING?
I began to see the flaw in this learning several years ago and I started to change it. I'll leave wilting flowers and a stack of mail to go kayak on the river for 45 minutes. I'll wake up early so I can go for a walk before my husband goes to work. I'll bake scones instead of unloading the dishwasher. I'm getting there, and I feel like I'm a good example to other women out there who don't deem themselves worthy of being at the top of their own to-do list.
I want to give myself 30 minutes each day to read. I can't seem to do it. I want to meditate--but at least I know I'm not alone in the world of wanna-be-meditators. I want to have a health maintenance routine that includes chiropractic, body work, yoga, healthful eating, date night, writing, and spending time in nature. I don't want to feel guilty or overindulgent about it. I want to help teach other women/wives/mothers that this is the way to a happy and fulfilled life. Each day is one more opportunity to become more whole. By filling it with "what I did" I'm taking a little bit away from "who I am." Or at least I'm not contributing to the essence of who I want to be.
I'm realistic too...I recognize that some days shit just has to get done. The Universe doesn't revolve around me--I understand. i'm not saying that everyone around me needs to suffer so I can get a bubble bath on Sunday morning. I'm just declaring that I'm letting go of the guilt. I'm rejecting the learning of 38 years and I'm going to treat this body and soul the way that every body and soul deserves to be treated. LIke anything that's worthwhile, it's not going to be easy. But maybe if I have others making the same commitment we can support each other. Who's with me? What's your promise to your higher self?
peace, love, and dental floss...
I love this post. First, you DO help teach other women, wives, and mothers about the way, or one of the ways to a happy, fulfilled life. By sharing with us aspects of your days, by blogging about your travels, by writing about what you are doing and want to do, not just as a mom, but as a woman, it gets us, or at least me, thinking.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I've never struggled too much with the mommy-guilt when it comes to doing something that I enjoy and that truly fills me up (strangely, I feel more guilt about the time away from them that I spend working, even though I love what I do, want to set the example of working, and am grateful to have the job that I do given my life situation right now... but I digress.. ). Now more than ever though, probably because of my age, because I am now a single mom, and I DO work so much more than I used to, I justify and feel strongly about taking time to myself doing what I love. I go to book club, have a monthly dinner club, play on a soccer team, and exercise at least 4-5 times a week. The way I put it to my friends... I will NOT end up on Dr. Phil as the stressed, haggard, fat, single mother-of-four, addicted to some prescription drug because I never took time for myself and slowed down a little!!!
So I am with you, my friend. It is not about being selfish, not being attentive to our families or children, or not giving enough of ourselves or our time. It is ALL about realizing and affirming who we are as people and as women, about taking those deep breaths and looking out on a lake or ocean, about getting lost in a book even if the laundry is piling up, about working up a good sweat and feeling the stretch and flex of muscles and taking care of our bodies.... that make us whole, happy, and fulfilled.
As for my future goals... I too, would love to meditate on a daily basis. I'd love to figure some yoga into my exercise routine. And someday, I'd really, really love to travel and explore this amazing country and beyond.
For now, I do what I can and am quite happy for it.
xoxo
Jenna