No One Ever Told Me...

I was inspired by a friend's Facebook post lamenting not taking her child off the bottle at one year. Her daughter is now two and it is far more challenging than it would have been, she feels, if she had done it a year ago. Mama advice is priceless. Now, sometimes we nod our heads and say to ourselves, "I'm glad that worked for you, but I am so not doing that." And other times it's just not our choice as the parent. My first Mama advice is always--start getting used to not being in control anymore. A friend may tell you how wonderful it has been to breastfeed their child for 3 years. You honor her dedication and respect her as a mother but you have no intention of whipping out the booby for a running, tantrum-throwing toddler. Or maybe you would love nothing more than to do that but your kid is all about the sippy cup at 10 months old. Or you go back to work and logistically you simply cannot make it happen. Or as hard as you try, you can't breastfeed at all. This advice comes with the best of intentions (most of the time--if it's coming with judgement then who needs it anyway), and often this is where we gain the gems of knowledge that we too will eventually pass down.

There are some things, however, that no one ever told me. Either that or 1) I was too sleep-deprived to retain their wisdom or, 2) I didn't want to hear it because I still thought I was running the show or, 3) I heard it but I didn't really know what it meant. So I've been thinking about this for a couple of days but this list is by no means all-inclusive. I know I'm going to keep learning things and adding to this list as my kids grow. And I know you'll have some things to add as well--please do!! Here's my first stab at Things No One Ever Told Me.

1. Once a parent, always a parent. There is no break from this job.

2. You won't always love your choice to become a parent.

3. Diapers and formula are expensive. But when you're done with them you don't see that money because it goes to preschool. When they're done with preschool you don't see that money because it goes to sports. When they're done with sports you don't ... you get the point.

4. You have to buy a new wardrobe for your child (at least your first born) every season.

5. You'll spend a lot of money on babysitters and/or rely on your family and friends a lot. You can't do it alone.

6. The school day is NOT that long.

7. Sometimes you get pissed at your partner for getting you in this position in the first place.

8. Even public school education is expensive and requires at least a little bit of your time and talent. And a bunch of your cash.

9. You will feel judged.

10. It is really worth it to teach your child good eating habits from the day they start eating.

11. Having 3 kids pretty much removes you from the soft-top Jeep buying category.

12. Vacation with the kids is just like every day with the kids but in a foreign place without all your creature comforts.

13. Pilates is a really good idea before even start thinking about getting pregnant.

14. Even if you do pilates, your stomach still might end up looking like elephant knees.

15. Parenting is hard. Really hard.

I heard a lot about how wonderful being a Mom would be, and it has been. I don't ever want to send my kids back to where they came from but I do long for the days of pre-maternal freedom. I long for a lot of things. There's no doubt in my mind that these kids are worth every sacrifice I've made, but I'm keeping it real. I'm not going to pretend it's all fun and games because it's not. I'm a far better person for having this experience. But just like what my own mom told me would probably happen, I've lost a few marbles...and gained a few gems.

Light and Dark in Balance

Today is a day that is created in balance. There are as many hours of light as there are of darkness. The high energies of summer mellow into the more introspective energies of autumn. It is time to harvest what sustains us--releasing back into the Earth the things that don't serve us. Life has light and darkness just as this day does. We only see the shining moon because of the light of the sun.

This is a good weekend to consider the dichotomy within ourselves. Letting go of what might be holding us back from reaching the goals we set earlier this year. That can be internally, such as thought patterns, negative self-talk, excuses, fear, and doubt. It can also be environmentally, revisiting the feng shui of your living spaces, paying close attention to the Knowledge & Self-Cultivation area, one of the most yin areas of your home. This is a great space for introspection and intuition. Truly, taking a feng shui tour of all areas of your home will cause you to reconnect with the intentions you have in all areas of your life in order to examine if you're on the right path for the highest success and happiness.

I'm going to spend tomorrow in my bedroom closet, tucking the summer clothes away, giving this little space a good cleaning and letting it breathe for a bit. Then I'll mindfully put the clothes that fit and flatter me back in in respectable order.

It's also a good time to revisit any goals you set and to check in on your progress. I did this for myself and kind of giggled at what I thought was of top importance last January. Life has a way of spinning me on my own axis, and man has it! I'm on track with a lot of what I wanted to accomplish, and some items I am scratching right off my list. Of course, I have new objectives that were not on my horizon nine months ago--and that's okay! It's a great time to charge myself up with things that motivate me right now while still working toward the more enduring achievements I'm striving for.

And I'm proud of where I am on this day rooted in balance. Acknowledging the hard work you have done and the ground that you've covered is vital. Celebrate your victories, and today let go of your shortcomings. Get outside and put your feet on the Earth, understanding the connection we have to the rhythms of the seasons. If it's raining where you are tonight, which I believe it is in many areas of the U.S., step outside and enjoy a few minutes in the cleansing power of the rain. And smile!

Refrigerator Love

The other day I dedicated 20 minutes to someone that works hard every day for me and my family. She endures the stress of us pulling and hanging on her, and she keeps us safely nourished and hydrated. She helps us get going first thing in the morning and can provide us a little comfort late at night. She's big and strong and cool.

Cleaning my refrigerator is like a ritual. It's an act of gratitude. This is how we need to treat all of our belongings, and our appliances are of optimum importance in Feng Shui. The kitchen itself is the hub of our homes these days. Not only are they the room where we go for storing, preparing, and eating our food, we use our kitchens to gather, to do homework, to pay bills, and to play games. A lot of creativity happens in a kitchen.

In Feng Shui the kitchen, and specifically our appliances, represent prosperity and well-being. The stove is of the utmost importance. Keep your stove sparkling clean, use all the burners, replace missing knobs, and keep it in good working order--that's the recipe for good finances. If your faucet is leaking, that can me a metaphor for money slowly trickling out of your bank account. Do you have funky stuff growing in a tupperware container in the back of your fridge? If so, take care of it and see if your health improves a little bit. Want to clear your head and feel a little less stressed? Pull out the all-natural all-purpose cleaner and scrape the splatters and spills out of your microwave.

It may sound a little out-there to think that the condition in which you keep your kitchen appliances can reflect on the quality of your life, but you know how good you feel when it all gets a deep cleaning. It's renewing and refreshing, and even inspiring! It makes me want to open up a cookbook and create something new. A kitchen nourishes the body and the soul. Treat it and everything that is in it with tender loving care. That energy will come back to you.

9/12 Steps Toward Peace on Earth

Yesterday marked ten years since the 9/11 attack on the United States. I remember I was sitting on the couch with my sweet baby girl (she was about 11 weeks old) watching Matt Lauer interview someone (could you imagine if that was you he was interviewing?) when he stopped to let us know about the first plane. We all know how the rest of that day went. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home from work so we could all be together. As long as we were together it was all going to be alright. I think we even took the dog with us to the local pub to watch what was happening while surrounded by our neighbors. Sharing in this terrible moment in history made me feel a little bit better, a little bit safer.

And then there was September 12. The next day. A new day. We knew a little bit about what had happened but the uncertainty was still there. Things were different...for all Americans. I remember looking at people and feeling connected to them because we shared this day. We were all part of a club--a club that no one wants to join but definitely unites and bonds us together. I looked at people and wondered if they knew someone who perished that day. Maybe they were married to a firefighter. Did they have family far away that they wouldn't see for a long time because they were going to be too afraid to fly in a plane? Were they a Middle Eastern American who would feel discriminated against or judged from now on? Did they look at me and wonder if I doubted my decision to bring a baby in to such a scary world?

Today is September 12. Resemblances of ten years ago linger for me today. We won't ever be the same. But if we can look at strangers on the street and consider their suffering, their fears, their love, their hopes, and their humanity then that is a step toward making this world a better place.

I'm starting with myself. I pledge to be gentle with myself. I know that I am a good person and that most days I do my best at all I endeavor to achieve--the important stuff, anyway. I'm looking at my family and remembering that although we're part of the same family unit we are individuals, each with different challenges and aspirations. My community will be a little bit stronger when I remember that although my neighbor's life looks a lot like mine, I've never walked in their shoes. By embracing each American's right to their own opinions, lifestyles, and choices I am making this great country just a bit more harmonious. And acknowledging that we were all put here on this planet for a reason, and that we all have the potential to fuel our lives with love rather than hate...that will bring a little bit more peace on Earth.

Imagine if we ALL did that?

How to Gain Freedom by Working the To-Do List

A lot of people I know have been tackling "projects" lately. These projects tend to be laborsome, not always fun jobs around the house that just need to get done. We have a list, mental or hard-copy, of these things that are weighing on us. The places in our home that drive us crazy. They make us sigh or scream whenever we are in that space, and we swear we are going to do something about this! As soon as I have time...as soon as I get my bonus...as soon as the kids are in school...as soon as...

What if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your health? Would you deal with that project sooner if you knew it could help your migraines? Or what if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your career? Would it become more of a priority if you knew it could help you get out from under the pile of busy work you have to do so you could be more efficient and affective, doing the work that you enjoy?

Let's make a list of some of those projects--I'll just take a look at projects that are/have been bogging me down:

- closets: organizing and purging

- yard: clearing out debris and generally tidying and cleaning up

- car: vacuuming and removal of kid-related rubbish

- pantry: tossing expired/stale items, cooking with what I have

- playroom: sorting toys to be donated, toys to throw away, reintroducing old toys to spark new creativity in the kids

I could go on, and I know you have your own lists that are scrolling through your brain. Remember the last time you started AND COMPLETED one of these projects? How GOOD does that feel?! It helps us breathe a little deeper, stand a little taller, and think a little clearer when we devote our energy and intention to delving in to these spaces and clearing them out. What if you knew by doing this you would feel less stressed? You will!

I find that Mondays are a day when people start anew. What I want you to do today is pick one of your projects, make it a manageable one (I'm not talking paint the house or something major like that--unless you're really ambitious and driven to do it!). Give yourself a deadline. I'm going to help you--your deadline is this Sunday at 1:00pm. Now take a look at your calendar. Can you start today? Find the pockets of time you have in the next week and write your project on your calendar. Keep in mind that you are doing this for your own well-being. Dedicating time to this is a gift to yourself, even if it's not the most enjoyable exercise to go through. The next step is big--DO IT. You may live in disarray for a bit since this is probably something that can't be completed in one sitting. Active chaos is much better than inactive chaos, and the end product is worth the mess.

Take a before picture for me, then at 1:00 on Sunday step back and look. Then close your eyes and take a deep breath and realize that even though your eyes are closed you can still FEEL a difference. Smile, and pour yourself a mimosa, a coffee, a bloody mary, a beer, a milkshake, a green tea, an ice water with lemon, whatever your celebratory treat may be and be thankful to yourself for the gift you've just given and received.

I bet by this time next week you'll be reading my next blog feeling a little lighter and a bit more prepared to tackle the week that lies ahead.

Happy Feng Shui'ing!

I am a student of LIFE

My best friend is back at the college campus where we met (gulp) 20 years ago, this time starting up her Masters Program. She is walking around campus watching the parents drop off their child at their dorm, or their first apartment, or their last year at the sorority house. We got nostalgic about the old bars we frequented and the parties we attended. To think back to that time and consider how naive I was. These kids that are arriving at college think they know it all. Leaving the nest and vying in the real world on their own for the first time. Man, I learned a lot in those 4 years. A year and a half in the Business School, two and a half years in the School of Human Development, and 4 solid years in the School of Learn From Your Mistakes.

That period of our lives, in our late teens and early twenties are so full of learning. I look at my elementary school-aged kids now and am amazed at their propensity for grasping new concepts. And we've all heard how toddlers can pick up a second language so much easier than anyone else. My friend is in her late 30's and is embarking on this next level of higher education--knowing so much more than she did when she was in college a couple decades ago. Reflecting on my own life I marvel at how I have changed and grown since becoming a mother 10 years ago. Ten years from now I'll have three children leaving my nest and commencing the stage of learning that only happens by jumping in with both feet. Whoa--scary! (For Mom!) But it's a necessary part of life. Thank goodness they have me to prepare them for it now ;).

Life IS learning. We are on this planet for a finite amount of time and our task is to learn and grow. I know people who didn't go to college but have had experiences that make them some of the wisest people I know. In turn, I know people with a couple of degrees who I wonder if "they'll ever learn." Not everyone is open to receive the teaching in what life offers us every day. That is what I want to foster in my kids. The inquisitiveness to question, the receptivity to accept, and the humility to know that there is always something new to gain, something to help us become wiser, kinder, happier, and higher.

These are some frightening "before" pictures of my office. I was deeply in need of a space for me to close off the rest of my house and the rest of my life and BE.

Be creative. Be thoughtful. Be organized. Be deliberate. Be INSPIRED!!

After about a month of procrastinating and feeling the weight of this space on my shoulders (you know that feeling--it shows us the connection our bodies have to our environments) I have created a beautiful, vibrant, and thoroughly enjoyable space! See the "after" shots...

aaaaahhhhhh~~~

This place makes me happy !

Have a great weekend, y'all!