I have been doing a lot of thinking about ambition again. New Year's resolutions and all--looking forward 10 years, 5 years, a month from now. My good friend dictionary.com says that ambition is an earnest desire for some sort of achievement or distinction, desire for work or activity. It's so subjective though, and again that is partly due to what society affiliates with success. To attain a goal, no matter what that goal, if you work to achieve it, whether you succeed at doing so or not, you have to have some ambition.

Right now I feel like my goals are not so grand, but my ambitions are. Being a mom means at least some of my accomplishments are going to be tied in to my children, and that is serious business. But it's so important for me to think of myself as separate, and to work toward things that are for me and me alone. And because I take my job of raising these little ones so seriously, I am careful about setting my goals for myself too high. My gosh--what higher goal could a person have than to raise her children well? Who says big ambitions are powerful jobs or a beach house or to run a marathon? Living a balanced life is a big ambition in and of itself.

There is a story that is leading me to think through this a little deeper today. There is a young man born without eyes or the ability to move his arms or legs. He is a talented musician playing in the University of Louisville marching band even though he is in a wheelchair. His father goes to all the practices and games with his son, pushing his wheelchair through all the choreographed maneuvers on the field. He attends classes with his son so that he can have a college experience as much like the other students as possible. The father changed his job so he could work nights and accompany his son during the day. When I read the interviews I learn that this father is happy, and fulfilled, and proud.

I'm sure this man had goals and dreams before his son was born. To have a child with a disability means life as you imagined it is changed. Honestly, I think to have a child period changes life in ways you can't imagine. But this father is so selfless and gives all he has to make his son's life as good as it can possibly be. Is he unambitious for himself? Did he abandon the long term goals he had set or did he postpone them for a later time? Did the meaning of everything just change through his experience with his son, this shining spirit that seems to know no limits? If he is happy and content and proud, then he is successful. His state of being is one to admire.

For that father to be fulfilled and to live each day knowing that he is doing what his heart tells him is right for him...it's inspiring. It leads me to look outside the box of what the typical goals are, what I have been striving to do, and to think more of who I want to be. I think if I keep my focus on living a life I can feel really proud of, what I'm supposed to do with it will become clear to me. For now I have three little people counting on me to show them how to navigate through an increasingly complicated world. And I love being their Mom. Now, I'm going to go there and say that I love it, but it doesn't fulfill me. That's not it for me. I don't know that I could be the parent going through the motions of a college student with my child. I'm not sure what it is that is going to fill me up, but I have faith that I'm on the right path to find it. In the meantime, I am so happy. I love my life, and I love the quest.

peace, love, and meaningful goals...