New Lessons Learned

Somewhere along the way I learned that taking care of myself was an indulgence. Massages were a treat on vacation. Facials were when the winter wind chapped my face so badly it needed repair. Pedicures were for weddings.

A new chiropractor asked me if I have down time every day. If I exercise and stretch. Do I get enough sleep each night? Do I drink plenty of water? Somewhere I learned along the way that it is silly for me, a Mom/wife/woman to prioritize these things in my day. I learned that what I do for others is more important than what I do for myself.

Annual doctors visits. Dental check-ups every 6 months. Getting adjusted every couple of weeks. A yoga class every Friday.
OR
An oil change every 3,000 miles. Piano lessons for the kids. Laundry. Volunteering in the classroom. Paying the bills. Going to the grocery store. Again.

Why do the things on the self-care list seem more acceptable to put off than the things on the care-for-others list?

When did DOING become more meaningful than BEING?

I began to see the flaw in this learning several years ago and I started to change it. I'll leave wilting flowers and a stack of mail to go kayak on the river for 45 minutes. I'll wake up early so I can go for a walk before my husband goes to work. I'll bake scones instead of unloading the dishwasher. I'm getting there, and I feel like I'm a good example to other women out there who don't deem themselves worthy of being at the top of their own to-do list.

I want to give myself 30 minutes each day to read. I can't seem to do it. I want to meditate--but at least I know I'm not alone in the world of wanna-be-meditators. I want to have a health maintenance routine that includes chiropractic, body work, yoga, healthful eating, date night, writing, and spending time in nature. I don't want to feel guilty or overindulgent about it. I want to help teach other women/wives/mothers that this is the way to a happy and fulfilled life. Each day is one more opportunity to become more whole. By filling it with "what I did" I'm taking a little bit away from "who I am." Or at least I'm not contributing to the essence of who I want to be.

I'm realistic too...I recognize that some days shit just has to get done. The Universe doesn't revolve around me--I understand. i'm not saying that everyone around me needs to suffer so I can get a bubble bath on Sunday morning. I'm just declaring that I'm letting go of the guilt. I'm rejecting the learning of 38 years and I'm going to treat this body and soul the way that every body and soul deserves to be treated. LIke anything that's worthwhile, it's not going to be easy. But maybe if I have others making the same commitment we can support each other. Who's with me? What's your promise to your higher self?

peace, love, and dental floss...

Time Suckage

I took my kids to the library today and ventured to the quieter adult section to find a book on Hindu Mythology, a recent interest. In the same section, an area chock-full of fascinating materials from yoga to cyclopses, I pulled a book from the shelves that looked interesting from the spine. After holding it in my hands for about a minute I realized I have already read it cover to cover. I checked it out of this same library maybe--I don't know--maybe 2 years ago. It was recommended to me by the librarian checking me out. I went back to the stacks to find it, her review so glowing. I devoured it, finding inspiration on every page. As I was holding it today I was thrilled at the prospect of revisiting this piece. But when did I find the time to read it the first time? I recall sitting on the futon in my home office, I remember making notes, probably even blogging about the paths my thoughts travelled as I contemplated the messages in this text. When did I find time to blog? I love blogging! I love reading books that inspire me and make me think and ponder!

How did I lose this time?!

It's pathetic that it's a cliche now, but Facebook is a huge culprit. Damn it, woman! Check out already. Check out and CHECK IN. I have never been good at time management or prioritization. There is something magnetic--like those giant horseshoe type magnets--about Facebook. But I cower to think about how many hours I have wasted being a voyeur in other people's lives. And I'm a poster--I post a lot. I get pretty good feedback...I think I'm pretty good at it. But really, if I didn't share that funny thing that my kid said or the "check out the cool thing I'm doing right now" picture would my life be any worse? I'm not going to say I'm stopping, I'm just making a consideration.

And as a Mom of young children, they change every year and season-to-season things are not the same. This summer is a completely different experience than last summer. It requires constant readjusting and refocusing. It's hard to keep up! My kids are changing at a much faster pace than I am and that's nature, but I have to make the time to nurture my own change as we go. I need to keep reading (or rereading!). I need to keep writing. I need to keep my eye on my personal goals and do something to step closer to them each and every day. And I need to be present enough to recognize when those goals morph in to something different and direct even a little bit of energy to snapping a new line between here and my new destination.

I love Facebook, really. And I love my kids. And I love my kids' school. And I love cooking meals. And I love exercise. And I love my girlfriends. And I love housework. Ha! No I don't! But I try to love it as I'm doing it because it has to be done.

I need to love myself enough to work my own life mission, the discovery of my passion, the quiet, contemplative time back in to my daily schedule. I need to put it on my Google calendar. I need to be willing to drop everything and retreat inside--and stay there a while.

Gosh, writing this felt SO GOOD!!

peace, love, and Spiritual Literacy (the book I checked out of the library again)~