I always look forward to starting a new journal. I see it as an opportunity to make a defining statement about where I am in life. Who I am. What I'm grateful for. A springboard from which to jump in to regular explorations of the little fibers that make up the fabric of who I am.
This blog is my acknowlegement to myself that maybe I have something to share. Maybe I can help people through being honest and unafraid of examining the choices I make on my life's path. I make choices every day that affect how I grow and who I become. I tend to think a lot about that spot around the corner; that little park bench under the shade tree that looks out on the calm water, where I will sit and understand. I will be at peace in my soft golden aura of joy. I'd like to look honestly at what this spot, this very spot on which I'm standing on the same path, right now, what it looks like. And how do I get this spot to look like the one around the corner? It's a choice. A choice within me that I have to make. It's possible. Do I not feel worthy of that seat on the bench? Am I afraid that there will be nothing else?
I have a dear friend who took me on a guided meditation to discover what my life's purpose is. This is what I dug up and revealed: I am here to listen, to guide, and to love.
Listen. Guide. Love.
After sitting with that, and the whole guided meditation experience, for a few days I began to think of what I could do to turn my life's purpose into a career. Fulfillment and contribution have been big topics of mine for some time now. The struggle to feel that being a stay-at-home mom is enough. The guilt of knowing that I want more. A desire to be challenged, and to express my creativity through my work. A feeling of responsibility to my children to be an example of a woman who can be a mother and have a career of my choice at the same time.
What am I supposed to be doing? I wait for the signs. I am open to the messages that may be sent to me indicating how to manifest my life's purpose in to meaningful work. Then fear pops up. Hello, self-sabotaging behavior! Nice to see you again, procrastination! Let's sit down and have a glass of wine, shall we?
As I stand in this spot, this spot that today I realized is maybe just a lower altitude on a peak in my life and not, in fact, a valley, I ask myself, "what am I supposed to be doing?"
Maybe I'm already doing it.
Listen. Guide. Love.
That is what I'm going to work with next.
peace, love, and little drops of water...
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