Peace starts within

Have you ever said something to your partner, friend, or family member that you immediately wish you could take back? Or have you ever had an argument and woke up the next morning just wishing you had shut up and gone to bed instead? Sometimes we hurt the people we care about. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words DO hurt sometimes! Sometimes even more than sticks and stones. Words can wound us deeply, in a place that doesn't heal nearly as quickly or easily as a physical injury. Why do we do it? Sometimes when I step back and think about it I can logically tell myself that I didn't want to cause pain. That I don't want that person to be more like me--in fact, I probably didn't want me to be like me. When we let our emotions take over and allow painful words to escape, we are first and foremost disrupting the peace within ourselves. That peace was probably already compromised by fear or self-judgment if we got to the point of expressing negative sentiments, making snide remarks, or behaving in a passive-aggressive manner. We all need to have tools to recognize when these feelings are brewing inside and address what is going on within ourselves before we turn the blame on someone else. I like to envision that little flame deep in my core that never goes out. Even when it's dim, it's there, and focusing on that reminds me that I am having a human experience but I am larger than my problems and with each challenge I can learn more and become a fuller person. That light will shine brighter on the other side of this bump in the road. After going through that exercise I can soften around whatever hostility is surrounding me. In doing this, I change the whole energy of my environment.

This is what it means when we hear "Peace starts from within." And it applies to interpersonal relationships as well as it applies to world peace. Why do we hurt each other? Because we don't have peace within. It all starts with that little flame that is within all of us. It's what you see when you look yourself in the eye in the mirror--it all starts there. There's an old Chinese proverb that goes something like this: "If you have harmony within, you will have harmony at home. If you have harmony at home, you will have harmony in your community. Harmony in your community creates harmony in your country. Harmony in your country creates harmony in the world."

When you look at your neighbor, do you see a reflection of yourself? When you look at your child, do you wish they had the wisdom you've acquired through your life experiences? When you look at a politician, do you wonder how another person could have such a different view than you? Do you want everyone to be more of the same? More like you? I hope not. I hope you can look at any person and see their flaws, their beauty, their struggles, their joy...and see your own. If our hearts are open to the differences in the world, then we are honoring ourselves. With this, all of our flames can shine brightly and peace can spread from one individual to the next. Like a tidal wave it can wash over the entire planet.

peace, love, and kind words...

What's Clear and Simple Isn't Always So Easy

I've had so much thought and revelation storming at me lately and I think I finally know why (thanks to a fantastic new yoga teacher I enjoyed this morning). Tomorrow is the new moon in September. Also the New Year in the Jewish calendar. Who knew I was so aligned to the lunar calendar?! Every year around this time I am drawn to the Earth, full of inward contemplation, and ready to let go of what doesn't serve me, leaving space for simple abundance.

Let me go back to where this all began--this just-completed Labor Day weekend. With the kids back in school for about 4 weeks now, we're in the full-swing of activities, school work, play dates, and volunteering. This is the soup that I thrive in! Three kids between the ages of 9 and 6--we are a full-motion family. But even on a long weekend, with a break from the regular demands of our day-to-day lives, how is it I still felt stressed and overloaded? My hardworking husband in the backyard cleaning up dry summer debris, my kids lounging around the house resting their little brains and bodies from the constant motion of the grammar school years, I sat in my office filing, responding to old (and late!) emails, pulling paperwork for a refinance, starting new school files for each child, scanning pictures for a family wedding, and paying the bills. Piles of "stuff to put away" met me as I walked out my office door, as I walked down the stairs, and as I poured a tea at the kitchen counter. There was a stack of magazines of the coffee table looking at me with puppy dog eyes, begging "Read me! Sit down...relax. Even close your eyes for a moment. Breathe. Make your mind still."

I know that all these mini-projects would still be here after the long weekend. But are there other moms out there who feel like you're always one step behind? Like if you don't tackle it now, it's going to snowball out of control. And what happens then? You disappoint someone? You miss out on an opportunity? You have to hire a babysitter so you can meet a deadline? What happens if we just say..."this will have to wait"?

Meals are another thing. As mom (and I'm sure some dads take this role on, or some combination of mom and dad--but I'm going to venture to guess it's mom in most cases), I am always thinking about food. No wonder I struggle with my weight! I've got three-to-five people to feed three meals a day to every day of the entire year. It is important to me that they are healthy, balanced, and local and/or organic when at all possible. Planning these meals. Shopping for these meals. Prepping these meals. Cooking and serving these meals. And then managing my own temper when one-to-three members of the family decide they don't like it and won't eat it. So what if they don't? They'll go to bed hungry and try again tomorrow. So what if we order out tonight for the second time this week? So what if we have sandwiches for dinner (which we NEVER do--it would make things so much easier if we did this once in a while!)?

I envision myself floating around my home, my kids teenagers, bright sunshine flooding in the windows, and being serene and peaceful, and cute. And happy. Sometimes I feel like I'm racing to get stuff done so I can somehow magically find myself at this place. The delusion I'm under, however, is that when I'm there--some 8 years from now--I'm still going to have bills to pay, meals to prepare, school projects to help with, and personal goals I'm going to be working on. I guess I envision myself being more organized, and caring less about these "what if's."

After my husband was done cleaning up the yard, he threw a baseball in the backyard with the kids then he sat down at the picnic table and they all played cards. I was still wrapped up in putting a dent in my dreaded to-do list so I could have some fun too. I paused for a moment and thought about the last time I had my kids so engaged. I'm embarrassed to say that I couldn't remember. But I'm the one that gets them off the bus and hears about their day. I get them snacks and look over their school work. I help them with their spelling words and quiz them on their facts. I break up the fights and have the conversations about respect and choices and consequences. I drop them off at piano and baseball and drama. I wonder though--how often am I really there for any of that? I'm going through the motions, getting us through one more day. All the while holding on to that vision of myself laughing with my kids as I relax on a stool next to them in my beautifully renovated kitchen.

I'm fooling myself to think I'm going to magically appear in that spot 8 years from now. All the busy work I do now is never going to get me there. It's the hard work I have to do that is going to pull me out of the pile of to-do lists and in to this place of grace. The hard work I'm talking about is stopping. I need to stop--pause--and look around me. I need to take a moment to snatch my child on my lap and give her my full attention when she's telling me a long story that's going nowhere. I need to take a few moments several times in my day to envision myself as that carefree woman. I need to be okay with putting everything else that has to be done aside so I can enjoy my kids today.

The sad part is, I know if (God forbid) one of my kids got sick or my husband was being shipped off to Afghanistan in a month I would make this happen. I would drop everything, deeming it simply unimportant, and give my full focus to my family. I would say no and have no qualms about it. I would become less of a task master and more of a mother. Ouch.

There is no reason we should require harsh wake-up calls to readjust our priorities. I have three beautiful, healthy kids and they are mine to enjoy and nurture and love. I have an incredible husband who deserves the best parts of me, not just what's left over at the end of a frazzled day. I owe it to them and to myself to put US FIRST. I may disappoint some, I may miss out on something--but the price to pay isn't worth it.

Am I alone out there? Am I the only mom who feels like this? I feel like realizing this is step one for me, but changing my ways is going to be hard. What do they say--nothing worth doing is easy? How do I approach this in a positive way that doesn't make it feel like one more thing on the top of my to-do list? Who am I going to chose to disappoint first? ... If I know I'm doing the very best I can do and my family is my number one priority, then I have to be okay with that. The alternative just isn't acceptable to me anymore.

peace, love, and turkey sandwiches...