Random thoughts on "now"

I'm departing from my current chakra theme because I just feel like blogging about what's going on with me right now. I've been trying to post on Wednesdays and I'm a day late so maybe I was just really waiting for the right inspiration.

I am in a really happy place right now. I have very fond memories of a time when I felt I was "there." Two people come to mind when I think of this time (they will remain nameless). I recall feeling as though I was a good friend to these people during this period in their lives--I think it was about 1998. Anyway, I had a calm and a confidence and a...how do I describe it...a comfort in my own skin. I was working and I was engaged, we were having a good time as DINKs (dual-income-no-kids), but I had people in my life that I loved sharing time with and we were really connected.

Weddings, babies, moves, more babies--things can change so fast. I've written before and I will write many times again about my joys as a mother and a wife, but tonight I'm thinking about friendships. Back in 1998 I had the time and the focus to truly listen to the people I care about, and I felt like I had something to say that was helpful to them at the time. That made me feel good. Really good! So many times in the past few years I've thought back about that time and wondered if I'd ever feel that good about who I am again. I wondered if I'd ever be able to put my thoughts in to words in a way that people could understand--and not be asked for a glass of milk in the middle of it!

I've realized recently that I'm there! I am in such a good place. I feel like I can breathe again and as much as I know I need time to myself doing the things I like to do in order to take care of myself, I really need time to nurture the relationships that are so important to me. The pendulum is swinging and I feel like the 8+ years I've spent with babies and toddlers, and all the demands that come along with that, are easing a bit. There is more room in my brain and my heart and my soul to be a good friend again.

This blog has been such a gift to me. I can explore my thoughts and express who I am - and people relate to it! I've always wanted to be inspired and to inspire people (hence, Inspired Living) and if I get even one response to something I write, I feel like I'm a success! I had a few girlfriends take me out for my birthday last night and I was so humbled by the love I received from them. I was almost uncomfortable. What have I done to attract this affection? All I can attribute it to is being myself and sharing that openly. What I have to say isn't going to resonate with everyone, I understand and expect that. But honestly, if a single person thinks about things differently, challenges themselves to do better, or decides to be more gentle in their ways, my gosh...I'm fulfilled.

So tomorrow morning I head out to spend a few days at the beach at a music festival. I'm not going with anyone, but I expect to run in to several familiar faces. I look forward to the "me" time--on my schedule, doing what I want to do. I wish I had someone to go with though. I love music festivals, and I'm okay doing it solo, but I wish I had a friend (besides my wonderful husband who is staying home with our children) who was equally excited as I am. And the last day is my birthday. I bought some yummy cookies at the bakery to share with any new friends I may make. And the music on the schedule for Sunday is fantastic. I'm just figuring if someone was meant to be with me, they would be. The stars aligned for me to do this trip, and I'm thinking I might come out of it stronger, more clear, one rung higher on my ladder. I hope.

peace, love, and happy birthday to me!