It is hard to resist the definitions of who we think we are supposed to be, based on what society tells us, our family tells us, or the media tells us. There are so many influences out there that lead us to think we should be something different than exactly the way we are. As hard as I resist it, I want to look as cute in those jeans, have a healthful meal on the table for my family each night, and have a smile and some make-up on my face when my husband comes home from his job.

Everyone wants to be happy. Different things make different people happy. Ghandi said that happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. When I meditate, practice yoga, write in my journal, read, and listen to music I feel really in control of what I am thinking. I am more present, more aware, more attuned. When I watch too much TV, spend too much time with people who gossip or are pessimistic, or when I burn the candle on both ends I feel like those messages from the world around me really cloud my ability to feel deeply happy. As I write this I realize how in control I truly am of my own wellbeing. I can make choices in my life that lead me the way I know I want to go, the way I know feels right and true for me. Easier said than done sometimes, but that knowledge is something I can come back to when I'm struggling.

I tend to be a blabbermouth...well, that is my perception of myself at times. I'm pretty open and when I get excited about a topic I tend to get louder. I actually kind of like these aspects of my personality. But one of the worst feelings is when I think back to a conversation and regret having said something. I rarely, rarely, say something to hurt someone else. I am keenly aware of the energy this puts out and the damage it does. For me, it more often would be a slip of the tongue, or just divulging too much of my own thoughts and wandering in to that land where I might offend someone else. I worry about doing this--I probably worry about it too much. In general though, I feel like I have positive things to say and I hope that people hear me expressing myself and not passing judgement on them. I guess that is the best that I can do.

And the best that I can do--if I feel at the end of each day that I did the best I could then, yes, I'm happy. I teach my kids this too. Some days are better than others but I feel like my intentions are always in the right place. So thinking about true happiness, I see that it all starts with my thoughts, and I find it interesting that this is the most challenging part for me. I have my own definition of who it is I want to be, and that has nothing to do with the Jones', or a political party, or generations of women who came before me and did things a certain way (or didn't!). I know what I have to do to feel like I'm on the right path--like I'm living a true representation of my spirit. How empowering is that?!

Thanks for reading my blog today...this, apparently, was just what I needed!

peace, love, and enlightenment...