How to Gain Freedom by Working the To-Do List

A lot of people I know have been tackling "projects" lately. These projects tend to be laborsome, not always fun jobs around the house that just need to get done. We have a list, mental or hard-copy, of these things that are weighing on us. The places in our home that drive us crazy. They make us sigh or scream whenever we are in that space, and we swear we are going to do something about this! As soon as I have time...as soon as I get my bonus...as soon as the kids are in school...as soon as...

What if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your health? Would you deal with that project sooner if you knew it could help your migraines? Or what if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your career? Would it become more of a priority if you knew it could help you get out from under the pile of busy work you have to do so you could be more efficient and affective, doing the work that you enjoy?

Let's make a list of some of those projects--I'll just take a look at projects that are/have been bogging me down:

- closets: organizing and purging

- yard: clearing out debris and generally tidying and cleaning up

- car: vacuuming and removal of kid-related rubbish

- pantry: tossing expired/stale items, cooking with what I have

- playroom: sorting toys to be donated, toys to throw away, reintroducing old toys to spark new creativity in the kids

I could go on, and I know you have your own lists that are scrolling through your brain. Remember the last time you started AND COMPLETED one of these projects? How GOOD does that feel?! It helps us breathe a little deeper, stand a little taller, and think a little clearer when we devote our energy and intention to delving in to these spaces and clearing them out. What if you knew by doing this you would feel less stressed? You will!

I find that Mondays are a day when people start anew. What I want you to do today is pick one of your projects, make it a manageable one (I'm not talking paint the house or something major like that--unless you're really ambitious and driven to do it!). Give yourself a deadline. I'm going to help you--your deadline is this Sunday at 1:00pm. Now take a look at your calendar. Can you start today? Find the pockets of time you have in the next week and write your project on your calendar. Keep in mind that you are doing this for your own well-being. Dedicating time to this is a gift to yourself, even if it's not the most enjoyable exercise to go through. The next step is big--DO IT. You may live in disarray for a bit since this is probably something that can't be completed in one sitting. Active chaos is much better than inactive chaos, and the end product is worth the mess.

Take a before picture for me, then at 1:00 on Sunday step back and look. Then close your eyes and take a deep breath and realize that even though your eyes are closed you can still FEEL a difference. Smile, and pour yourself a mimosa, a coffee, a bloody mary, a beer, a milkshake, a green tea, an ice water with lemon, whatever your celebratory treat may be and be thankful to yourself for the gift you've just given and received.

I bet by this time next week you'll be reading my next blog feeling a little lighter and a bit more prepared to tackle the week that lies ahead.

Happy Feng Shui'ing!

The First Day of the Rest of my Life

It's the first day of school. I have been home with my 3 kids for 81 days (minus 2 for a quick trip to my high school reunion). If I think of my energy sources, my patience, my joie de vivre as a fountain, my flow is down to a slow trickle. Now, I am I happy to say that I'm better off than I have been in years past, where my fountain was bone dry on the first day of school. Moms can relate--maybe anyone can relate to the fact that even something (or someone) that you love so much can just zap the life out of you if you don't have a little variety from time to time. Yes, Mamas, we should take care of ourselves. So we have more to give our families, so we don't lose touch with the women we were before we had kids. La la la...it's so cliche now. When it comes down to it, caring for our children is in a sense caring for ourselves. It is a calling I've had deep in my soul my entire life and maybe I didn't exercise regularly this summer, maybe I didn't read a single book, maybe I proclaimed "it's 5:00 somewhere!" too many times, but I am living the life I've always dreamed of--the life of a Mom.

Another cliche that is boring me to tears is the idea that we can attain balance as women. I now think of balance as I think of happiness. You don't 'get to' happiness...it's a flow, it's how you are as you travel life's ups and downs, it's an awareness that this moment is good. Life is ever changing so I don't see how the typical definition of balance can be attained. Can we really have equal distribution of time/attention going to work, and play, and family, and friends, and self, and God, and the grocery store? Just for kicks I looked up the definition of balance and found a new way that I am going to think of balance: mental steadiness or emotional stability. We may be thrown a huge project at work that forces us to work longer hours, or our child may get strep throat which keeps us tending to them rather than performing our household duties--our time may not be balanced but if through all of this we remain steady and calm--and happy--well, that spells success to me.

So how did my fountain get so depleted? Traveling with the family, a very lose schedule, staying up late every night, not checking in with myself to connect with my gratitude...I have many lessons for myself. For now I am going to work on filling up my fountain again. Today I'll add a bucket, tomorrow it might just be a few drops, but eventually, with focus and persistence, it will be flowing again. But this is my life...made up of many, many days, each offering me a chance to reflect and grow. As a whole I look at my life and I am grateful and I call it a happy life. My task is to live that each moment of each day, because every day is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Smell

I got a facial a few days ago and for an hour I relished in the decadence of lavender then coconut milk then rose water then honey being gently brushed, tapped, and spritzed on my face. Each separate balm or crème or tonic immediately clicked something in my brain. I inhaled the aroma and I physiologically changed. The power of scent is very strong. It actually is the sense most directly linked to the brain (and the emotional part of the brain at that), causing more immediate reactions than any of the other senses. Memories are attached to smells, good and bad. Sometimes we have aversions to certain smells—my husband can’t stand the smell of seafood, my mother is very sensitive to musky odors. On the other hand, I asked some readers what smells they loved: cloves, clean kids, a freshly mown lawn. Scents can stir up emotions and transport us to a different time or place. Who doesn’t smell coconut and think of the beach or pine and have visions of the Christmas tree.

Scents can also be used to balance our bodies. I am fascinated with aromatherapy and hope to incorporate it in my Feng Shui practice. I love essential oils and use them to treat different conditions such as sinus congestion, anxiety, and skin irritation. Every person’s body chemistry calls for a unique blend of smells to balance, calm, or invigorate. I look forward to studying this art and science (most likely this will appear on my Goals for 2011).

Like many things in life, we should just do what we like! Surround yourself with what makes you feel good. I burn candles all the time—sometimes it’s spicy herbal scents and sometimes its sweet vanilla, or cleansing citrus. Aim to open your windows for half an hour each day if that fresh air makes a difference in your home. Keep a sleeve of cookie dough in your fridge for impromptu baking if that nostalgic smell lifts your spirits. Have a sample size of your favorite perfume or a bottle of your go-to oil blend on hand for those times when you are overwhelmed by an unpleasing smell in your environment.

Looking forward to the New Year and considering the change and personal development we intend to work on, I thought I’d throw out the idea of using the sense of smell to aid in our success. Let’s say getting more active is a goal for 2011. Sore and achy muscles might be a hindrance to success. Try soaking in a chamomile or ginger bath. If you are aiming to live 2011 with your glass half full, try the uplifting scents of rose or bergamot. When working to learn new skills or manage your money more responsibly, rosemary can help with clear thinking and focus.

I must admit, as I write this entry my sinuses are clogged and the only smell that is squeaking through my swollen nasal passages is that of fresh stain on my new kitchen cabinets. It’s funny how the sense of smell has played such a big role in my life the past week. I’m going to go find my eucalyptus oil and set the intention to use this magnificent tool, my sense of smell, to support the work I do in 2011. More to come in this department, for sure.

peace, love, and smellin’ the roses…

Taste

As I sip on my peppermint mocha coffee, I begin this diary of the five senses with the sense of taste. This time of year we are inundated, beginning with that big 'ol turkey and all it's trimmings, with flavor. Sweet, savory, creamy, crunchy, toasty, bubbly, flaky, spicy...I could go on and on. And so often, and so unfortunately, we indulge in these flavors at a big feast, plates piled high, everything running together, mindlessly being forked into our mouths. If not in that fashion it's grazing as we pass the buffet, indiscriminately popping bites in our mouths as we mingle and socialize with our loved ones. It's really no wonder we pack on the pounds this month of December.

What if we stopped and really took the time to taste the deliciousness that is so readily available to us. We look forward to the first pumpkin spice latte of the season--we savor it, we tweet about it, we buy them for our friends. What if each bite we put in our mouths were treated with such ritual. We'd never get anything done! That's what would happen! But lets do this exercise at least once a day this month. Let's sit down, with a napkin on our lap, the computer closed, the television off, and first say a quiet word of thanks. Consider all the people that played a role in that food arriving on our plate. Give thanks for all of Mother Nature's work. And let's taste our food--one bite at a time--putting our fork down between each bite.

The tip of our tongues sense sweet. The front portion of our tongues sense salty. Sour is tasted in the mid-to-back of our tongues, and bitter is noticed on the very rear of the tongue. Experiment with tasting your food and see what you notice. Pair your food with a glass of wine and pay attention to how they compliment one another. Have fun with it! But don't rush it. I'll bet you notice you feel satisfied long before finishing what you typically would in a sitting.

Find one thing each day to indulge in in this fashion. It could be a homemade cookie, a seasonable vegetable, a perfectly braised piece of beef, or even a warm bowl of oatmeal. Make note of how it makes you feel to taste your food in this way. Do it with a friend and compare experiences...just don't get to chatting and mindlessly eating! Food is meant to nourish us and fuel this body that carries us around this Earthly experience. Some reports say that one in twelve people on our planet is malnourished. How blessed we are to have such assortment of flavors and options available to us every day? Yet we spend so much time, especially this time of year, eating without appreciation--appreciation for the taste and appreciation for the sustenance.

Enjoy the parties and the holiday meals. Be mindful of what you eat, how it got to you, and of how fortunate you. Realize that tasting foods is something you can take pleasure in all year round--there's no reason to deny yourself! Start 2011 allowing yourself to fully use your sense of taste, and keep it simple. There's something to chew on for the next 5 weeks....

peace, love, and raw veggies...

5 weeks till New Years!

It's December 1 and there are about 5 more weeks in 2010. I've noticed as people are pulling out their holiday decorations and getting their shopping started that they are also taking this opportunity to clean out closets and clear out under the bed. Maybe it's a preemptive effort to make room for new stuff coming in. Maybe they're checking in with themselves to see if they still fit in to those dress pants they haven't worn in a while. Or maybe, subliminally, they're getting prepared for the new energy of 2011!

Life gets so crazy this time of year (so much so that that statement alone has become a cliche). All the parties and crowds and traffic and noise and layers and layers of lights. Once January rolls around it feels like we've been at an amusement park (yes--it's crazy but it's FUN!). What if we took this month not only to celebrate the season but also to clear the clutter within ourselves so we can start a fresh new year running toward our goals and aspirations? Sounds a lot better than starting it off on a diet and a spending freeze, huh?

Beginning this week, for 5 weeks I'm going to post about what we can do to prep for a stellar beginning to our new year. In considering what my themes would be I pondered the number 5 and decided to focus my writing on the 5 senses. How fun and appropriate for this overstimulating time of year! So carve out a few minutes each week to read and ready yourself for that day when the calendar flips from December to January. My hope is it might help you navigate through these crazy weeks ahead as well. They are to be savored and enjoyed. I send you and your families my sincere wishes for a happy and safe holiday!~

peace, love, and joy~~

What's Clear and Simple Isn't Always So Easy

I've had so much thought and revelation storming at me lately and I think I finally know why (thanks to a fantastic new yoga teacher I enjoyed this morning). Tomorrow is the new moon in September. Also the New Year in the Jewish calendar. Who knew I was so aligned to the lunar calendar?! Every year around this time I am drawn to the Earth, full of inward contemplation, and ready to let go of what doesn't serve me, leaving space for simple abundance.

Let me go back to where this all began--this just-completed Labor Day weekend. With the kids back in school for about 4 weeks now, we're in the full-swing of activities, school work, play dates, and volunteering. This is the soup that I thrive in! Three kids between the ages of 9 and 6--we are a full-motion family. But even on a long weekend, with a break from the regular demands of our day-to-day lives, how is it I still felt stressed and overloaded? My hardworking husband in the backyard cleaning up dry summer debris, my kids lounging around the house resting their little brains and bodies from the constant motion of the grammar school years, I sat in my office filing, responding to old (and late!) emails, pulling paperwork for a refinance, starting new school files for each child, scanning pictures for a family wedding, and paying the bills. Piles of "stuff to put away" met me as I walked out my office door, as I walked down the stairs, and as I poured a tea at the kitchen counter. There was a stack of magazines of the coffee table looking at me with puppy dog eyes, begging "Read me! Sit down...relax. Even close your eyes for a moment. Breathe. Make your mind still."

I know that all these mini-projects would still be here after the long weekend. But are there other moms out there who feel like you're always one step behind? Like if you don't tackle it now, it's going to snowball out of control. And what happens then? You disappoint someone? You miss out on an opportunity? You have to hire a babysitter so you can meet a deadline? What happens if we just say..."this will have to wait"?

Meals are another thing. As mom (and I'm sure some dads take this role on, or some combination of mom and dad--but I'm going to venture to guess it's mom in most cases), I am always thinking about food. No wonder I struggle with my weight! I've got three-to-five people to feed three meals a day to every day of the entire year. It is important to me that they are healthy, balanced, and local and/or organic when at all possible. Planning these meals. Shopping for these meals. Prepping these meals. Cooking and serving these meals. And then managing my own temper when one-to-three members of the family decide they don't like it and won't eat it. So what if they don't? They'll go to bed hungry and try again tomorrow. So what if we order out tonight for the second time this week? So what if we have sandwiches for dinner (which we NEVER do--it would make things so much easier if we did this once in a while!)?

I envision myself floating around my home, my kids teenagers, bright sunshine flooding in the windows, and being serene and peaceful, and cute. And happy. Sometimes I feel like I'm racing to get stuff done so I can somehow magically find myself at this place. The delusion I'm under, however, is that when I'm there--some 8 years from now--I'm still going to have bills to pay, meals to prepare, school projects to help with, and personal goals I'm going to be working on. I guess I envision myself being more organized, and caring less about these "what if's."

After my husband was done cleaning up the yard, he threw a baseball in the backyard with the kids then he sat down at the picnic table and they all played cards. I was still wrapped up in putting a dent in my dreaded to-do list so I could have some fun too. I paused for a moment and thought about the last time I had my kids so engaged. I'm embarrassed to say that I couldn't remember. But I'm the one that gets them off the bus and hears about their day. I get them snacks and look over their school work. I help them with their spelling words and quiz them on their facts. I break up the fights and have the conversations about respect and choices and consequences. I drop them off at piano and baseball and drama. I wonder though--how often am I really there for any of that? I'm going through the motions, getting us through one more day. All the while holding on to that vision of myself laughing with my kids as I relax on a stool next to them in my beautifully renovated kitchen.

I'm fooling myself to think I'm going to magically appear in that spot 8 years from now. All the busy work I do now is never going to get me there. It's the hard work I have to do that is going to pull me out of the pile of to-do lists and in to this place of grace. The hard work I'm talking about is stopping. I need to stop--pause--and look around me. I need to take a moment to snatch my child on my lap and give her my full attention when she's telling me a long story that's going nowhere. I need to take a few moments several times in my day to envision myself as that carefree woman. I need to be okay with putting everything else that has to be done aside so I can enjoy my kids today.

The sad part is, I know if (God forbid) one of my kids got sick or my husband was being shipped off to Afghanistan in a month I would make this happen. I would drop everything, deeming it simply unimportant, and give my full focus to my family. I would say no and have no qualms about it. I would become less of a task master and more of a mother. Ouch.

There is no reason we should require harsh wake-up calls to readjust our priorities. I have three beautiful, healthy kids and they are mine to enjoy and nurture and love. I have an incredible husband who deserves the best parts of me, not just what's left over at the end of a frazzled day. I owe it to them and to myself to put US FIRST. I may disappoint some, I may miss out on something--but the price to pay isn't worth it.

Am I alone out there? Am I the only mom who feels like this? I feel like realizing this is step one for me, but changing my ways is going to be hard. What do they say--nothing worth doing is easy? How do I approach this in a positive way that doesn't make it feel like one more thing on the top of my to-do list? Who am I going to chose to disappoint first? ... If I know I'm doing the very best I can do and my family is my number one priority, then I have to be okay with that. The alternative just isn't acceptable to me anymore.

peace, love, and turkey sandwiches...