Harsh realities

Well, if Mercury didn't just SLAM out of retrograde yesterday. What a day. It began beautifully in nature--watching my kids run through the woods and splash in the creek...then we crashed in to a new reality upon discovering our car had been broken in to in the parking lot. I was craving a connection with my true environment, to be out and present in nature. As we climbed the trail I talked with my kids about the animals that call this place home. We imagined a time when there was no road cutting through this place and no trail worn yet.

Then the harsh reality that the world is not all as gentle as that. Shattered glass everywhere. Suspisions and accusations flying around. The workmen who were lingering in the parking lot? Entitled teenagers?  Desperate downtroddens who saw no other alternative? Little eyes looking up to me to see how I reacted, so they could know how to feel.

I ensured they had shoes on their feet and made a safe place for them to sit when the rain started to fall. We talked about the kindness of the strangers who first noticed the break-in and called for help, then stayed to share what they found. And the police officers who were light-hearted and generous as they swept the shards of glass from the seats and the floor mats.

There were four attempts to withdraw cash from my credit cards. I can't explain that to my children, except to tell then that no everyone is as fortunate as we are. Then I received a message last night from a woman who was "dumpster diving" and found my purse. The image in my head of this woman rummaging through garbage to find anything of value and her taking the step to call me to return what is mine. How do we make sense of these things? My day ended sobbing in my husband's arms. The world is not always gentle. But if we focus on it's ugliness or fear it's harshness, then what happens to us? We become cynical and untrusting. That is not what I want to teach my kids.

There was a time when this planet was so much simpler--purer. That's what I want my children to hold in their hearts for as long as they can. That's what I want to hold in my heart.

Our Character is Our Legacy

I am a seeker. I am on a quest to become a better person each day and to be of service during my time here. In recent weeks I have been struggling with what it is that I contribute. In reality, I've been struggling with this for years. Socrates said "an unexamined life is not worth living" and I do feel my experiences are richer and my life feels more meaningful since I've been living with more intention. Still, when I pause to look at my world I wonder if I am deserving of such abundance. I have a beautiful family and we're all healthy, I have a lovely home, I have resources to do the things I love, I have support from so many angles, and I have an open mind with which to explore. I'd like to think that my good fortune is some sort of karmic justice, but I am far from flawless. What am I to learn from the challenges and hardships I'm faced with? How do I find the positive and spread that to those I touch?

I lost a friend over the weekend. A woman I will remember as being a vibrant force with a voracious laugh, bounding energy, and an authentic, loving heart. I don't know much about her career or other accomplishments other than people were attracted to her and she had troves of friends. Her impact during her limited 40-years here was undeniable. If for no other reason than she was a true and loyal friend. And that counts! That counts MORE than anything else I would argue.

I don't ask why as my faith gives me the peace of knowing there is a greater plan. As non-violent as I am, however, if cancer were an animate object that could be obliterated wholly and completely, I would go ballistic on it's ass. But what is the great plan for me? Am I living up to whatever expectations my higher power has for me? Maybe there are no expectations--maybe it's up to me to determine what my highest potential is and to go for it, and be content.

This weekend also brought me two very proud moments that made me feel good about the work I do, as staying positive and being open are often hard work. They may seem simple and small in the grand scheme of the work that has to be done on this planet, but I took them as little messages that I'm on the right path. First, after selling a concert ticket to a 20-something on craigslist I got a phone call from him. He expressed his gratitude for sharing what I had with him, knowing I had taken a loss in the sale. He was inspired by my husband and my excitement for him to enjoy this event and wanted to assure me that selling this to him was a good deed--that the opportunity was well-timed and much appreciated. This kid's efforts to make me see my smallest acts as being impactful on others was such a gift to me.

Secondly, a neighborhood kid who has a reputation as being troubled and a bully knocked on our door. He said his parents were arguing again so he walked down to our house in the rain. He played with the kids for a while then we all played a board game. When I found out about the loss of my friend he asked why I was sad. I explained what happened and he softened and came to give me a hug. This little boy who has hardships of his own came to comfort me. To have a home that feels safe for other people and to share that kind of compassion in this space I've created was another gift for me to realize.

I think feeling unworthy of this beautiful life is one of my flaws to correct. We are ALL worthy--worthy of the very best that we can create in our imagination. None of us are perfect, and sometimes bad things happen to really good people. Our intentions are what change the vibration surrounding us and even when those inevitable challenges or the suffering enters our reality, it's how we respond that builds our character. And our character is our legacy. The choices I make now will be the basis for what my loved ones are talking about when my time comes. I'm choosing to operate from a place of gratitude and love. With that I hope to be guided to wherever I can make a positive impact, no matter how small.

Is It All Blue Skies?

I've got a child with quirks, Asperger's we're calling it right now. Among other challenges, he has an inability to see the big picture. What that means for a 9 year old doing school work, relating to other kids, dealing with siblings and parents, interacting with the world at large--I can't really know. Can you imagine not being able to see the big picture? What would life be like if you couldn't see the sun through the clouds? Walking my kids to the bus stop this morning I felt the energy in my body swirling, my muscles tense, my breath shallow just from the routine of getting three kids up, fed, dressed, and prepared for school. Hugs and kisses and the bus pulled away...and I could hear birds. The air was cool on my arms. I started walking and I noticed the sky. It seemed large, vast even. Looking up I noticed my breath reach my belly. I audibly exhaled. Life is good! I wasn't connected to that just moments ago, but I have the ability to pull myself out of the moment and see that big, beautiful picture.

I think there are a lot of people, people without Asperger's or any other disorder, that cannot take the macro view of life on this plane. Life's stresses and hardships overcome them and they get stuck--stuck in the moment of struggle. And one moment bleeds in to the next, in a seemingly endless fight to just get through. I would propose that this actually IS a disorder (well, probably called depression in many cases). A condition most certainly worth remedying.

Money is tight, we're sick, our to-do list is daunting, the toilet is overflowing, the car breaks down, we're late--life is overwhelming.

Put your feet on the Earth. There is life happening beneath that soil. Every tree, every flowering bush, every blade of grass is pulsing with life-force energy. The squirrel is scrambling from one side of the street to the other. I wonder what for? It's so easy to think that our problems are so big, that everything revolves around us. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the details and the minutia.

What is the big picture?

I look around and feel that I am a part of a massive interwoven network of life. My deadlines and responsibilities are important, but they're not why I'm here. I was put here to make a difference, we all were. Whether it's for one person or for the world. The big picture is, IT'S ALL OKAY.

Growing up near the coast in Massachusetts, there is something that draws me to the water. When I need to feel grounded and centered I head to the Chattahoochee River, just a few miles from my home in suburban Atlanta. My intention each time I’m at the river, whether it’s in my kayak, on my bike, or running along its shores, is to notice something new each time I go. Springtime offers such great opportunity for this as everything is coming to life after the rest of winter. This week’s bike ride on the paths along the river did not disappoint. There were just enough new blooming trees and plants to dabble the fresh green landscape with color. The woods were just beginning to fill in and the glisten of puddles and pools showed evidence of recent spring showers. Geese were perched on the sidewalk, forcing me to sway between them and several new puppies were getting their training lessons on leashes as I passed. I like to stop along my route and climb out on the rocks to really feel connected to the river. I let my heart rate slow as I let my senses take over—the sound of water rushing over rocks, the fresh earthy scent, cooling my hands by submerging them as I follow a single leaf as it travels in the current. There were so many more people out enjoying this natural treasure as I basked in my solitary moment on the Chattahoochee. Later I noticed two men who had passed me on their bikes enjoying a moment on the same rock on which they had seen me. Maybe I inspired them to slow down for just a little bit and take in all the river has to offer. More likely the river itself was the inspiration.

Dinner time activity for tonight: New Moon

Today the New Pisces Moon is upon us, and all my lovely Pisces friends are on my mind. But all of us can use this period in the lunar cycle to our benefit. The New Moon arrives at 5:35 pm EST -- around dinner time. So I thought I would gather my family around the table this evening and talk about some of the themes that come along with this New Moon. I encourage you to do the same! Don't make it too complicated, just have a conversation, considering the following topics:

~ What are you guiding principles? Your true values?

- ask, then LISTEN. Each family member may have different ideas.

- is the way you are living, individually and collectively, a reflection of these values?

- write down these motivating and centering words and tape them to the bathroom mirror so when each person wakes tomorrow they will see what themes should be top of mind as they go through their day. When our choices are aligned with our core values and principles we are truly living an authentic and fulfilling life.

This is a time when seemingly rigid and unresolvable issues soften and dissolve. I love the word "dissolve" that has been recurring in my research because it doesn't require great work. This is not a time to struggle and chip away at longstanding obstacles. Look at them, and with a forgiving and loving heart dissolve them. Disengage from the attachment we have to these obstacles, and with clear boundaries let them go. Once we do this the unity that is let in will lift us up so we can see more clearly that our time here is finite and forgiveness will set us free!

This is a time for goodness, healing, and power. New creation needs a clear path to manifest so free yourself from what holds you back or slows you down. Don't stress over it, don't analyze it. Just set yourself free so you can fly~

Happy Mardi Gras, y'all!

An abstract glimpse of my contemplation of ROLES.

I'm eating chocolates, sipping on chardonnay, glancing out the window above my kitchen sink as I rinse and load.

It's Friday night, what used to be family movie night. But tonight I have three kids on three different screens...and earphones. The main TV is off, the music is on and being enjoyed by my husband and I, and the three kids are peaceful in front of their electronics. Eating dinner at the breakfast bar--straight off the grill, on to the cutting board, and in to my mouth.

The oldest finishes her movie--about cyber bullying. I explain to her that we are the first generation of parents to deal with this cyber stuff. We share stories. Topic jumps to pills. Whitney Houston. On to asphyxiation - what does suicide truly mean?

WOW.

ROLES. Fuck roles. I'm washing the dishes. I'm clearing up this week's paperwork. I'm drinking more chardonnay.

Where's the money coming from? Who cares?

You ran the dishwasher on rinse-only last night. Who cares?

It's Friday night and I spent precious time with my littlest, brushing her hair, getting her clothes off and jammies on. She asked me to brush her teeth for her as we stood in a steamy bathroom to help loosen her nasal and chest congestion. Wondered how the hamster in the room felt about it. Recalled the "nebulizer years" when we took baby Baby in here to breathe better. And learning later that dry heat is really better. Sometimes.

This is a long road--sometimes fast, sometimes so painfully slow. But my ROLE is Mom. Whether I'm earning a paycheck, doing yoga, letting my husband to the laundry, or hiring a nanny. His ROLE is Dad. Whether he's following behind finishing what I don't, selling the crap out of magazine ads, listening to me rant and rave about "the latest research," the neighbor's drama, my own self-inadequacies. Talking to his son about masturbation this weekend.

Yes. ROLES. They exist. How do you define them?

Battle Scars & Beauty

I saw a beautiful showing of art today about the relationship between mother and child, interpreted through the mother's self-reflective point of view. Without getting too much in to it, besides to say that if you live in Atlanta you should absolutely go see it, as all great art does, I'll say that it got me thinking. It got me thinking about a lot of things, in a different way than I'd thought about things in a while. It was one of those experiences where 10 minutes after leaving the exhibit, while driving on the highway on my way home, I started weeping. Weeping at the realization that -- I'm not alone.

All those deep dark feelings and yearnings I have, I'm not the only one. The land I live in so many hours of my life, part fairy tale/part reality tv show, is not in isolation. You know what it got me thinking about? Risk. I have been a Mama for just shy of 11 years. I have 3 children all in elementary school for 7 hours a day. I'm dreaming again--like realistic, I could really do this type dreams. Like, "I want to accomplish this", "I want to create this for real" type of dreams. When the kids were smaller, maybe 2, 3-1/2, and 5, I was dreaming of Caribbean beach towns. I was dreaming of freedom and liberation. Those dreams got me through the day. Now my aspirations include things like starting a business, buying real estate, changing what my daily routine has looked like for the past decade -- risky stuff!

But what is more risky than motherhood? One minute you're responsible for yourself, and maybe a dog. The next minute, you pee on a stick and you're responsible for this being growing inside you. Whatever you do to yourself, you do to this person. You are it's shelter, it's nourishment, it's protection. You body does not belong to you alone anymore--you have a 10 month tenant.

I remember being in Mexico a couple of months before my first child was born. I was rocking my little maternity bikini, feeling good about my body. I pointed out a spot on my stomach that I thought was a bruise, until my husband so graciously advised me that it was a stretch mark. Oh boy. This tenant was damaging the place and I had no security deposit for repairs! Well, I proceeded to watch my belly grow to, what, 20 times it's size? Not just that once, but three times over the course of three years. And my boobs--my poor boobs. Engorged, raw, deflated...they worked hard during their cumulative 20 months of nursing, and they have now checked in for a life of permanent relaxation.

I now have 3 precious children that are my responsibility. It's my job to keep them healthy and safe. Their security lies in my hands. Holding your newborn baby for the first time quickly alerts you to the reality that this person is depending on you completely. Yikes! THAT is scary! Forget buying a rental property--that's nothing compared to what I signed up for by bringing these 3 people in to the world.

So I walk around and notice all the Moms out there. We're so brave! We're living our life out in this body with sagging skin, scars, and extra weight, doing kegels so we don't pee ourselves. We sacrifice our bodies, our memories, our free time, our careers, our vibrancy, and our sporty cars. Maybe not all of us, or maybe not all at once. But becoming a mother is risky business and the weak need not apply. Even if you start out unsure, the ferociousness emerges.

I'd like to think that our pride in this role gives us a new kind of sex appeal. A strength and vitality that draws people to us. I do glance down the tempting path of "getting the physical stuff fixed," but then I see an art exhibit or a pregnant mama, or I look at myself with a little more love and acceptance and tell myself that these are my battle scars. Beauty comes from within so make sure you're glossy and glittery from the inside first. And maybe that will be enough.

No One Ever Told Me...

I was inspired by a friend's Facebook post lamenting not taking her child off the bottle at one year. Her daughter is now two and it is far more challenging than it would have been, she feels, if she had done it a year ago. Mama advice is priceless. Now, sometimes we nod our heads and say to ourselves, "I'm glad that worked for you, but I am so not doing that." And other times it's just not our choice as the parent. My first Mama advice is always--start getting used to not being in control anymore. A friend may tell you how wonderful it has been to breastfeed their child for 3 years. You honor her dedication and respect her as a mother but you have no intention of whipping out the booby for a running, tantrum-throwing toddler. Or maybe you would love nothing more than to do that but your kid is all about the sippy cup at 10 months old. Or you go back to work and logistically you simply cannot make it happen. Or as hard as you try, you can't breastfeed at all. This advice comes with the best of intentions (most of the time--if it's coming with judgement then who needs it anyway), and often this is where we gain the gems of knowledge that we too will eventually pass down.

There are some things, however, that no one ever told me. Either that or 1) I was too sleep-deprived to retain their wisdom or, 2) I didn't want to hear it because I still thought I was running the show or, 3) I heard it but I didn't really know what it meant. So I've been thinking about this for a couple of days but this list is by no means all-inclusive. I know I'm going to keep learning things and adding to this list as my kids grow. And I know you'll have some things to add as well--please do!! Here's my first stab at Things No One Ever Told Me.

1. Once a parent, always a parent. There is no break from this job.

2. You won't always love your choice to become a parent.

3. Diapers and formula are expensive. But when you're done with them you don't see that money because it goes to preschool. When they're done with preschool you don't see that money because it goes to sports. When they're done with sports you don't ... you get the point.

4. You have to buy a new wardrobe for your child (at least your first born) every season.

5. You'll spend a lot of money on babysitters and/or rely on your family and friends a lot. You can't do it alone.

6. The school day is NOT that long.

7. Sometimes you get pissed at your partner for getting you in this position in the first place.

8. Even public school education is expensive and requires at least a little bit of your time and talent. And a bunch of your cash.

9. You will feel judged.

10. It is really worth it to teach your child good eating habits from the day they start eating.

11. Having 3 kids pretty much removes you from the soft-top Jeep buying category.

12. Vacation with the kids is just like every day with the kids but in a foreign place without all your creature comforts.

13. Pilates is a really good idea before even start thinking about getting pregnant.

14. Even if you do pilates, your stomach still might end up looking like elephant knees.

15. Parenting is hard. Really hard.

I heard a lot about how wonderful being a Mom would be, and it has been. I don't ever want to send my kids back to where they came from but I do long for the days of pre-maternal freedom. I long for a lot of things. There's no doubt in my mind that these kids are worth every sacrifice I've made, but I'm keeping it real. I'm not going to pretend it's all fun and games because it's not. I'm a far better person for having this experience. But just like what my own mom told me would probably happen, I've lost a few marbles...and gained a few gems.

Light and Dark in Balance

Today is a day that is created in balance. There are as many hours of light as there are of darkness. The high energies of summer mellow into the more introspective energies of autumn. It is time to harvest what sustains us--releasing back into the Earth the things that don't serve us. Life has light and darkness just as this day does. We only see the shining moon because of the light of the sun.

This is a good weekend to consider the dichotomy within ourselves. Letting go of what might be holding us back from reaching the goals we set earlier this year. That can be internally, such as thought patterns, negative self-talk, excuses, fear, and doubt. It can also be environmentally, revisiting the feng shui of your living spaces, paying close attention to the Knowledge & Self-Cultivation area, one of the most yin areas of your home. This is a great space for introspection and intuition. Truly, taking a feng shui tour of all areas of your home will cause you to reconnect with the intentions you have in all areas of your life in order to examine if you're on the right path for the highest success and happiness.

I'm going to spend tomorrow in my bedroom closet, tucking the summer clothes away, giving this little space a good cleaning and letting it breathe for a bit. Then I'll mindfully put the clothes that fit and flatter me back in in respectable order.

It's also a good time to revisit any goals you set and to check in on your progress. I did this for myself and kind of giggled at what I thought was of top importance last January. Life has a way of spinning me on my own axis, and man has it! I'm on track with a lot of what I wanted to accomplish, and some items I am scratching right off my list. Of course, I have new objectives that were not on my horizon nine months ago--and that's okay! It's a great time to charge myself up with things that motivate me right now while still working toward the more enduring achievements I'm striving for.

And I'm proud of where I am on this day rooted in balance. Acknowledging the hard work you have done and the ground that you've covered is vital. Celebrate your victories, and today let go of your shortcomings. Get outside and put your feet on the Earth, understanding the connection we have to the rhythms of the seasons. If it's raining where you are tonight, which I believe it is in many areas of the U.S., step outside and enjoy a few minutes in the cleansing power of the rain. And smile!

Refrigerator Love

The other day I dedicated 20 minutes to someone that works hard every day for me and my family. She endures the stress of us pulling and hanging on her, and she keeps us safely nourished and hydrated. She helps us get going first thing in the morning and can provide us a little comfort late at night. She's big and strong and cool.

Cleaning my refrigerator is like a ritual. It's an act of gratitude. This is how we need to treat all of our belongings, and our appliances are of optimum importance in Feng Shui. The kitchen itself is the hub of our homes these days. Not only are they the room where we go for storing, preparing, and eating our food, we use our kitchens to gather, to do homework, to pay bills, and to play games. A lot of creativity happens in a kitchen.

In Feng Shui the kitchen, and specifically our appliances, represent prosperity and well-being. The stove is of the utmost importance. Keep your stove sparkling clean, use all the burners, replace missing knobs, and keep it in good working order--that's the recipe for good finances. If your faucet is leaking, that can me a metaphor for money slowly trickling out of your bank account. Do you have funky stuff growing in a tupperware container in the back of your fridge? If so, take care of it and see if your health improves a little bit. Want to clear your head and feel a little less stressed? Pull out the all-natural all-purpose cleaner and scrape the splatters and spills out of your microwave.

It may sound a little out-there to think that the condition in which you keep your kitchen appliances can reflect on the quality of your life, but you know how good you feel when it all gets a deep cleaning. It's renewing and refreshing, and even inspiring! It makes me want to open up a cookbook and create something new. A kitchen nourishes the body and the soul. Treat it and everything that is in it with tender loving care. That energy will come back to you.

9/12 Steps Toward Peace on Earth

Yesterday marked ten years since the 9/11 attack on the United States. I remember I was sitting on the couch with my sweet baby girl (she was about 11 weeks old) watching Matt Lauer interview someone (could you imagine if that was you he was interviewing?) when he stopped to let us know about the first plane. We all know how the rest of that day went. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home from work so we could all be together. As long as we were together it was all going to be alright. I think we even took the dog with us to the local pub to watch what was happening while surrounded by our neighbors. Sharing in this terrible moment in history made me feel a little bit better, a little bit safer.

And then there was September 12. The next day. A new day. We knew a little bit about what had happened but the uncertainty was still there. Things were different...for all Americans. I remember looking at people and feeling connected to them because we shared this day. We were all part of a club--a club that no one wants to join but definitely unites and bonds us together. I looked at people and wondered if they knew someone who perished that day. Maybe they were married to a firefighter. Did they have family far away that they wouldn't see for a long time because they were going to be too afraid to fly in a plane? Were they a Middle Eastern American who would feel discriminated against or judged from now on? Did they look at me and wonder if I doubted my decision to bring a baby in to such a scary world?

Today is September 12. Resemblances of ten years ago linger for me today. We won't ever be the same. But if we can look at strangers on the street and consider their suffering, their fears, their love, their hopes, and their humanity then that is a step toward making this world a better place.

I'm starting with myself. I pledge to be gentle with myself. I know that I am a good person and that most days I do my best at all I endeavor to achieve--the important stuff, anyway. I'm looking at my family and remembering that although we're part of the same family unit we are individuals, each with different challenges and aspirations. My community will be a little bit stronger when I remember that although my neighbor's life looks a lot like mine, I've never walked in their shoes. By embracing each American's right to their own opinions, lifestyles, and choices I am making this great country just a bit more harmonious. And acknowledging that we were all put here on this planet for a reason, and that we all have the potential to fuel our lives with love rather than hate...that will bring a little bit more peace on Earth.

Imagine if we ALL did that?

How to Gain Freedom by Working the To-Do List

A lot of people I know have been tackling "projects" lately. These projects tend to be laborsome, not always fun jobs around the house that just need to get done. We have a list, mental or hard-copy, of these things that are weighing on us. The places in our home that drive us crazy. They make us sigh or scream whenever we are in that space, and we swear we are going to do something about this! As soon as I have time...as soon as I get my bonus...as soon as the kids are in school...as soon as...

What if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your health? Would you deal with that project sooner if you knew it could help your migraines? Or what if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your career? Would it become more of a priority if you knew it could help you get out from under the pile of busy work you have to do so you could be more efficient and affective, doing the work that you enjoy?

Let's make a list of some of those projects--I'll just take a look at projects that are/have been bogging me down:

- closets: organizing and purging

- yard: clearing out debris and generally tidying and cleaning up

- car: vacuuming and removal of kid-related rubbish

- pantry: tossing expired/stale items, cooking with what I have

- playroom: sorting toys to be donated, toys to throw away, reintroducing old toys to spark new creativity in the kids

I could go on, and I know you have your own lists that are scrolling through your brain. Remember the last time you started AND COMPLETED one of these projects? How GOOD does that feel?! It helps us breathe a little deeper, stand a little taller, and think a little clearer when we devote our energy and intention to delving in to these spaces and clearing them out. What if you knew by doing this you would feel less stressed? You will!

I find that Mondays are a day when people start anew. What I want you to do today is pick one of your projects, make it a manageable one (I'm not talking paint the house or something major like that--unless you're really ambitious and driven to do it!). Give yourself a deadline. I'm going to help you--your deadline is this Sunday at 1:00pm. Now take a look at your calendar. Can you start today? Find the pockets of time you have in the next week and write your project on your calendar. Keep in mind that you are doing this for your own well-being. Dedicating time to this is a gift to yourself, even if it's not the most enjoyable exercise to go through. The next step is big--DO IT. You may live in disarray for a bit since this is probably something that can't be completed in one sitting. Active chaos is much better than inactive chaos, and the end product is worth the mess.

Take a before picture for me, then at 1:00 on Sunday step back and look. Then close your eyes and take a deep breath and realize that even though your eyes are closed you can still FEEL a difference. Smile, and pour yourself a mimosa, a coffee, a bloody mary, a beer, a milkshake, a green tea, an ice water with lemon, whatever your celebratory treat may be and be thankful to yourself for the gift you've just given and received.

I bet by this time next week you'll be reading my next blog feeling a little lighter and a bit more prepared to tackle the week that lies ahead.

Happy Feng Shui'ing!

I am a student of LIFE

My best friend is back at the college campus where we met (gulp) 20 years ago, this time starting up her Masters Program. She is walking around campus watching the parents drop off their child at their dorm, or their first apartment, or their last year at the sorority house. We got nostalgic about the old bars we frequented and the parties we attended. To think back to that time and consider how naive I was. These kids that are arriving at college think they know it all. Leaving the nest and vying in the real world on their own for the first time. Man, I learned a lot in those 4 years. A year and a half in the Business School, two and a half years in the School of Human Development, and 4 solid years in the School of Learn From Your Mistakes.

That period of our lives, in our late teens and early twenties are so full of learning. I look at my elementary school-aged kids now and am amazed at their propensity for grasping new concepts. And we've all heard how toddlers can pick up a second language so much easier than anyone else. My friend is in her late 30's and is embarking on this next level of higher education--knowing so much more than she did when she was in college a couple decades ago. Reflecting on my own life I marvel at how I have changed and grown since becoming a mother 10 years ago. Ten years from now I'll have three children leaving my nest and commencing the stage of learning that only happens by jumping in with both feet. Whoa--scary! (For Mom!) But it's a necessary part of life. Thank goodness they have me to prepare them for it now ;).

Life IS learning. We are on this planet for a finite amount of time and our task is to learn and grow. I know people who didn't go to college but have had experiences that make them some of the wisest people I know. In turn, I know people with a couple of degrees who I wonder if "they'll ever learn." Not everyone is open to receive the teaching in what life offers us every day. That is what I want to foster in my kids. The inquisitiveness to question, the receptivity to accept, and the humility to know that there is always something new to gain, something to help us become wiser, kinder, happier, and higher.

These are some frightening "before" pictures of my office. I was deeply in need of a space for me to close off the rest of my house and the rest of my life and BE.

Be creative. Be thoughtful. Be organized. Be deliberate. Be INSPIRED!!

After about a month of procrastinating and feeling the weight of this space on my shoulders (you know that feeling--it shows us the connection our bodies have to our environments) I have created a beautiful, vibrant, and thoroughly enjoyable space! See the "after" shots...

aaaaahhhhhh~~~

This place makes me happy !

Have a great weekend, y'all!

The First Day of the Rest of my Life

It's the first day of school. I have been home with my 3 kids for 81 days (minus 2 for a quick trip to my high school reunion). If I think of my energy sources, my patience, my joie de vivre as a fountain, my flow is down to a slow trickle. Now, I am I happy to say that I'm better off than I have been in years past, where my fountain was bone dry on the first day of school. Moms can relate--maybe anyone can relate to the fact that even something (or someone) that you love so much can just zap the life out of you if you don't have a little variety from time to time. Yes, Mamas, we should take care of ourselves. So we have more to give our families, so we don't lose touch with the women we were before we had kids. La la la...it's so cliche now. When it comes down to it, caring for our children is in a sense caring for ourselves. It is a calling I've had deep in my soul my entire life and maybe I didn't exercise regularly this summer, maybe I didn't read a single book, maybe I proclaimed "it's 5:00 somewhere!" too many times, but I am living the life I've always dreamed of--the life of a Mom.

Another cliche that is boring me to tears is the idea that we can attain balance as women. I now think of balance as I think of happiness. You don't 'get to' happiness...it's a flow, it's how you are as you travel life's ups and downs, it's an awareness that this moment is good. Life is ever changing so I don't see how the typical definition of balance can be attained. Can we really have equal distribution of time/attention going to work, and play, and family, and friends, and self, and God, and the grocery store? Just for kicks I looked up the definition of balance and found a new way that I am going to think of balance: mental steadiness or emotional stability. We may be thrown a huge project at work that forces us to work longer hours, or our child may get strep throat which keeps us tending to them rather than performing our household duties--our time may not be balanced but if through all of this we remain steady and calm--and happy--well, that spells success to me.

So how did my fountain get so depleted? Traveling with the family, a very lose schedule, staying up late every night, not checking in with myself to connect with my gratitude...I have many lessons for myself. For now I am going to work on filling up my fountain again. Today I'll add a bucket, tomorrow it might just be a few drops, but eventually, with focus and persistence, it will be flowing again. But this is my life...made up of many, many days, each offering me a chance to reflect and grow. As a whole I look at my life and I am grateful and I call it a happy life. My task is to live that each moment of each day, because every day is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Seashell Meditation

Written after a walk on the beach last week...

Walking down the beach, pausing to pick up whatever orange seashell catches my eye. There are thousands of shells dusting the shoreline but I want only the deepest orange (a color I have been drawn to probably since I became an Orangeman at Syracuse University in 1991 but it has stuck with me for different reasons since then). For one of the plethora to catch my eye and cause me to stop my consistent gate…I pick it up, rub the sand off with my fingers, making sure it’s no one’s current home, then put in my collection bag.

The sound of the waves completing and resting over the tops of my feet. This particular beach in Florida has more trash than I prefer to see—well, I prefer to see no trash on the beach, but what I can’t pick up I see as a distraction from my walking meditation.

The word, or is it the name, GRACE written in shells just upshore. The squeals of little children running to their father, asking “Daddy, can I take my shirt off?” There are a good number of Haitian families here and their beach attire is different than what we’re accustomed to. Yes, child, take off your shirt. Take it all in.

My focus goes back to the scan of the wet sand for my orange shells. Oh—a really cool striped grey and white shell. That’s worth holding on to. Literally. Holding it in my hand. Connecting with the uniqueness of this, and each other shell that I lift from the Earth. The ocean reminds me of the vastness of this planet and the connectedness of us all—people, plants, water, animals, sea creatures, each grain of sand between my toes. For one shell to catch my eye and for me to make this a part of my world…it’s a mindful practice, shell hunting.

Looking up to catch a glimpse of the high rise hotel. This is not my idea of beauty. I look to the East and instead gaze upon the cloud formations just above the horizon. I notice the fine mist of rain dusting my forehead. I hadn’t realized it was raining a minute ago.

Cool! Smooth rocks and a really great stone that looks like years of sentiment have built up to create this beautiful one-of-a-kind gem that has found it’s temporary home directly in my path.

What a gift, what a treasure, to be able to walk the shore and take in the gifts that nature has to offer: the mist, the sea, the shells and stones, the children, and the clouds. At one point I almost felt compelled to make the sign of the cross. A symbol of reverence more relative to my younger years, I realize I’m deeply moved and connected not only to my environment but to my higher self. Hands in prayer at hearts center is more of my current mudra. I continued and walked grateful on my path, and plan to carry all of this with me.

Tips for Wealth & Prosperity

There are certain life energies that resonate with different zones in our homes. This may sound kind of "woo-woo" to you, and I could start talking a bit about Quantum Physics (Who am I kidding? I can't really have a conversation about Quantum Physics.), or you can try to just embrace it and give it a try.

We can agree that where your thoughts and attention go, energy goes. Yes? Okay, so let's talk about the energy that goes to the Wealth & Prosperity area of our homes. In very general terms, when you walk in the front door of your house (which you should use as your main entrance whenever possible) to to the far left corner of your house. If you have an attached porch or deck, this should be considered part of the footprint of your space. This general area is where your Wealth & Prosperity energy lives.

What's there now?

If it has clutter of any sort--an overflowing closet, a messy desk, a collection of broken pots and dead plants--clear that out! Dedicate your time and energy to cleaning it up and getting rid of whatever doesn't say MONEY to you. And let's think about that--what does say money to you? Pictures of grand travels you want to take? A luxury car? A new kitchen? Or what about playing golf every week or going to the spa on a regular basis? As you're doing your cleaning and purging visualize yourself doing/being/having what looks like "the good life" to you--whatever that may be.

Once you've got this space all cleared out and sparkling, you can use some elements to enhance the good energy, the life force energy--the chi in the Wealth & Prosperity of your life. If it's an outdoor space adding something that moves in the wind is a great choice. Think windchimes (maybe with coins that jingle in the breeze?), whirly-gigs, flags, etc. Flowers or feeders that attract birds and/or butterflies are also great here.

The color purple is very powerful in this area of your home, as are jewel tones--rich ruby reds, golds, and deep royal blues. The fire element gets things moving, like candles, lamps, and triangular or conical shapes. And a trickling fountain is a wonderful enhancement for this area (just make sure the water isn't flowing toward the outside of your house, like money flowing out--you want it flowing in.

You can walk in to any room in your house or office and apply the same fixes. You always find the back left of the space based on the main entrance to the room. My website has a diagram of how the life energies map out over your floor plan. Your main entrance is (almost) always going to fall in either the Knowledge & Self-Cultivation, the Career, or the Helpful People & Travel area. http://cristinzinspiredliving.com/feng_shui.html

I hope this gives you some Wealth & Prosperity inspiration this morning! Happy enhancing!

peace, love, and wild riches~

Happy Independence Day!

I spent last night watching the students of the local ballroom dancing school perform in the town square in a small central Florida town. There was free ice cream, a bounce house for the kids, even a couple baby tigers from the local animal preserve. Maybe a couple hundred people, lots of young families, lots of old folks—just gathering for some good ‘ol American fun.

I stood watching the patrons and participants, imagining how different their lives are from mine. Me, a girl from a middle class family in Massachusetts, raising my family in a middle class suburb just outside Atlanta. I sensed a lot of these people never left their hometown. They lived a simpler life it seemed.

How often do we observe the people around us and identify all the ways in which we’re different. Why is that? For me to be plopped in this little town center I felt like I was in a different world, a different time. But if I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture, me and all of those people as a snapshot compared to the rest of the world, well, we aren’t so different from one another. Parents raising families, younger generations caring for the aging, gathering to celebrate Independence Day in this great country.

Life changes so quickly (or persistently) and sometimes it’s not so easy to figure out our place in this world. So we look at the people around us to try to measure against some barometer. It’s like we use the process of elimination to figure out what we’re not by looking at the ways in which we’re different from the people around us. This can reveal our core values, showing us what we want to be/have/do with our lives, or showing us what we don’t want to emulate.

The exercise that I’m focusing on these days, however, is to find the ways in which I am similar to the people, not only in my own community, but in the world at large. Our paths can be drastically different, the life that we’re born in to can be worlds apart. My situation is simpler than so many. I don’t feel that my challenges are really any harder than anyone else’s. I realize I am fortunate, so fortunate. I always reflect around the 4th of July holiday what it means to be born a white person in America with a wealth of opportunities available to me. But put all that aside—we are one human race sharing a finite time on this planet. I want to connect with people by finding whatever I can that makes us the same—sharing in those life experiences that we all have.

I’m a woman. I’m a mother. I’m a partner, a daughter, a sister. I believe in freedom. I value creative expression and following a spiritual path. I admire hard work. I know that laughter heals and binds people together. I feel that if we all speak, listen, and act from the heart then the time we’re sharing right now is going to be better.

Deep down in the core we’re all the same. If we can peel back all the layers that keep us apart--all those worldly things that make our lives look so vastly different--imagine how peaceful the world would be.

Happy Birthday America~

New Lessons Learned

Somewhere along the way I learned that taking care of myself was an indulgence. Massages were a treat on vacation. Facials were when the winter wind chapped my face so badly it needed repair. Pedicures were for weddings.

A new chiropractor asked me if I have down time every day. If I exercise and stretch. Do I get enough sleep each night? Do I drink plenty of water? Somewhere I learned along the way that it is silly for me, a Mom/wife/woman to prioritize these things in my day. I learned that what I do for others is more important than what I do for myself.

Annual doctors visits. Dental check-ups every 6 months. Getting adjusted every couple of weeks. A yoga class every Friday.
OR
An oil change every 3,000 miles. Piano lessons for the kids. Laundry. Volunteering in the classroom. Paying the bills. Going to the grocery store. Again.

Why do the things on the self-care list seem more acceptable to put off than the things on the care-for-others list?

When did DOING become more meaningful than BEING?

I began to see the flaw in this learning several years ago and I started to change it. I'll leave wilting flowers and a stack of mail to go kayak on the river for 45 minutes. I'll wake up early so I can go for a walk before my husband goes to work. I'll bake scones instead of unloading the dishwasher. I'm getting there, and I feel like I'm a good example to other women out there who don't deem themselves worthy of being at the top of their own to-do list.

I want to give myself 30 minutes each day to read. I can't seem to do it. I want to meditate--but at least I know I'm not alone in the world of wanna-be-meditators. I want to have a health maintenance routine that includes chiropractic, body work, yoga, healthful eating, date night, writing, and spending time in nature. I don't want to feel guilty or overindulgent about it. I want to help teach other women/wives/mothers that this is the way to a happy and fulfilled life. Each day is one more opportunity to become more whole. By filling it with "what I did" I'm taking a little bit away from "who I am." Or at least I'm not contributing to the essence of who I want to be.

I'm realistic too...I recognize that some days shit just has to get done. The Universe doesn't revolve around me--I understand. i'm not saying that everyone around me needs to suffer so I can get a bubble bath on Sunday morning. I'm just declaring that I'm letting go of the guilt. I'm rejecting the learning of 38 years and I'm going to treat this body and soul the way that every body and soul deserves to be treated. LIke anything that's worthwhile, it's not going to be easy. But maybe if I have others making the same commitment we can support each other. Who's with me? What's your promise to your higher self?

peace, love, and dental floss...

Time Suckage

I took my kids to the library today and ventured to the quieter adult section to find a book on Hindu Mythology, a recent interest. In the same section, an area chock-full of fascinating materials from yoga to cyclopses, I pulled a book from the shelves that looked interesting from the spine. After holding it in my hands for about a minute I realized I have already read it cover to cover. I checked it out of this same library maybe--I don't know--maybe 2 years ago. It was recommended to me by the librarian checking me out. I went back to the stacks to find it, her review so glowing. I devoured it, finding inspiration on every page. As I was holding it today I was thrilled at the prospect of revisiting this piece. But when did I find the time to read it the first time? I recall sitting on the futon in my home office, I remember making notes, probably even blogging about the paths my thoughts travelled as I contemplated the messages in this text. When did I find time to blog? I love blogging! I love reading books that inspire me and make me think and ponder!

How did I lose this time?!

It's pathetic that it's a cliche now, but Facebook is a huge culprit. Damn it, woman! Check out already. Check out and CHECK IN. I have never been good at time management or prioritization. There is something magnetic--like those giant horseshoe type magnets--about Facebook. But I cower to think about how many hours I have wasted being a voyeur in other people's lives. And I'm a poster--I post a lot. I get pretty good feedback...I think I'm pretty good at it. But really, if I didn't share that funny thing that my kid said or the "check out the cool thing I'm doing right now" picture would my life be any worse? I'm not going to say I'm stopping, I'm just making a consideration.

And as a Mom of young children, they change every year and season-to-season things are not the same. This summer is a completely different experience than last summer. It requires constant readjusting and refocusing. It's hard to keep up! My kids are changing at a much faster pace than I am and that's nature, but I have to make the time to nurture my own change as we go. I need to keep reading (or rereading!). I need to keep writing. I need to keep my eye on my personal goals and do something to step closer to them each and every day. And I need to be present enough to recognize when those goals morph in to something different and direct even a little bit of energy to snapping a new line between here and my new destination.

I love Facebook, really. And I love my kids. And I love my kids' school. And I love cooking meals. And I love exercise. And I love my girlfriends. And I love housework. Ha! No I don't! But I try to love it as I'm doing it because it has to be done.

I need to love myself enough to work my own life mission, the discovery of my passion, the quiet, contemplative time back in to my daily schedule. I need to put it on my Google calendar. I need to be willing to drop everything and retreat inside--and stay there a while.

Gosh, writing this felt SO GOOD!!

peace, love, and Spiritual Literacy (the book I checked out of the library again)~