No One Ever Told Me...

I was inspired by a friend's Facebook post lamenting not taking her child off the bottle at one year. Her daughter is now two and it is far more challenging than it would have been, she feels, if she had done it a year ago. Mama advice is priceless. Now, sometimes we nod our heads and say to ourselves, "I'm glad that worked for you, but I am so not doing that." And other times it's just not our choice as the parent. My first Mama advice is always--start getting used to not being in control anymore. A friend may tell you how wonderful it has been to breastfeed their child for 3 years. You honor her dedication and respect her as a mother but you have no intention of whipping out the booby for a running, tantrum-throwing toddler. Or maybe you would love nothing more than to do that but your kid is all about the sippy cup at 10 months old. Or you go back to work and logistically you simply cannot make it happen. Or as hard as you try, you can't breastfeed at all. This advice comes with the best of intentions (most of the time--if it's coming with judgement then who needs it anyway), and often this is where we gain the gems of knowledge that we too will eventually pass down.

There are some things, however, that no one ever told me. Either that or 1) I was too sleep-deprived to retain their wisdom or, 2) I didn't want to hear it because I still thought I was running the show or, 3) I heard it but I didn't really know what it meant. So I've been thinking about this for a couple of days but this list is by no means all-inclusive. I know I'm going to keep learning things and adding to this list as my kids grow. And I know you'll have some things to add as well--please do!! Here's my first stab at Things No One Ever Told Me.

1. Once a parent, always a parent. There is no break from this job.

2. You won't always love your choice to become a parent.

3. Diapers and formula are expensive. But when you're done with them you don't see that money because it goes to preschool. When they're done with preschool you don't see that money because it goes to sports. When they're done with sports you don't ... you get the point.

4. You have to buy a new wardrobe for your child (at least your first born) every season.

5. You'll spend a lot of money on babysitters and/or rely on your family and friends a lot. You can't do it alone.

6. The school day is NOT that long.

7. Sometimes you get pissed at your partner for getting you in this position in the first place.

8. Even public school education is expensive and requires at least a little bit of your time and talent. And a bunch of your cash.

9. You will feel judged.

10. It is really worth it to teach your child good eating habits from the day they start eating.

11. Having 3 kids pretty much removes you from the soft-top Jeep buying category.

12. Vacation with the kids is just like every day with the kids but in a foreign place without all your creature comforts.

13. Pilates is a really good idea before even start thinking about getting pregnant.

14. Even if you do pilates, your stomach still might end up looking like elephant knees.

15. Parenting is hard. Really hard.

I heard a lot about how wonderful being a Mom would be, and it has been. I don't ever want to send my kids back to where they came from but I do long for the days of pre-maternal freedom. I long for a lot of things. There's no doubt in my mind that these kids are worth every sacrifice I've made, but I'm keeping it real. I'm not going to pretend it's all fun and games because it's not. I'm a far better person for having this experience. But just like what my own mom told me would probably happen, I've lost a few marbles...and gained a few gems.