A sunny 75 degree day makes you love wherever you are, doesn't it?

For as much as I daydream about my "forever place," I've been taking advantage of a lot of the delicious benefits of living in my current place.

I know that I am in the perfect place right now for me and for my family. We have a great house that I use as a creative outlet, a diverse and active community that I share with handfuls of supportive people, schools that are treating my kids oh-so right, a climate that allows me to enjoy all four seasons, and easy access to so much that makes life simpler and full.

This week alone I indulged in some things that I realize I might have been taking for granted:
~ My local YMCA, where I can get my "happy juice" as my kids call it, and they have fun in the playroom while I do my thing. I have 2 beautiful, clean Ys to chose from, both about 10 minutes away.
~ A plethora of affordable and yummy restaurants to grant me a night off from cooking dinner and some face time with my rockin' husband.
~ The North Georgia mountains...in a minimum of an hour I can be exploring trails, waterfalls, fresh mountain air, wineries, local art, and charming little villages.
~ The farmer's market in my town sent me home with juicy tomatoes and fresh homemade buffalo mozzarella, cucumbers that my girls will devour, and berries that beat any store made dessert.
~ Little boutiques that even my oldest daughter has a hard time passing by--full of creative ideas to decorate myself.
~ More Mexican restaurants than my son could ever try, all with an icy, salt-rimmed Texas margarita waiting for me.
~ A backyard that has grass and woods, a trampoline and Adirondack chairs, a gorgeous deck with outdoor speakers and a vine with a life of it's own (that makes me so happy!).

And I haven't even touched upon the amazing people that I've encountered each day of this divine, yet average, week. That will have to be a blog for another day. I also didn't venture into the city this week. Again, another blog for another day.

So when I daydream about where I am going to go to find my bliss, maybe I should stop...stop and sit in a hammock, kayak down the Chattahoochee River that runs 10 minutes from my home, have a cup of coffee with a neighbor, water my flowers, or take a swing with my kids in the backyard. Maybe I should consider that I may already be here.

I challenge you to think of a new way to answer the following question:
"What do you do for a living?"
Life should be a balance of work and play, family and friends, rest and activity, vegetables and chocolate...
The whole idea of "earning a living" is hogwash. No one has to earn the right to be here. We all deserve to be here and to be happy. If there were to be a description of how to earn a living, I would say something like living a benevolent life, as a positive example to others, caring for our planet, and embracing the gifts that we all have to offer. Finding a way to pay the bills while staying true to these virtues is the best of all worlds. And I guess that goes back to a previous post about doing what you love and the money will follow. But I also like to remind my children that "to whom much is given, much is expected." There are times in our lives when we are givers, and there are times when we are takers. It's a beautiful circle that keeps us in balance.
So how will I answer that question the next time I'm asked--"what do you do for a living?" What is my lifework?
I'm going to ponder that for a while and I guess I'll have to get back to you.

peace, love, and good karma~

Live with what you love.

This rule is a big part of Feng Shui. Our belongings carry energy and are alive with our memories and associations we attach to them. Surrounding ourselves with things that lift our spirit, make us feel nostalgic, and give us comfort is just plain a good way to live. When the alternative is to surround ourselves with items that depress us, make us remember bad times, or are harmful in some way, it seems like a no-brainer. But getting rid of our stuff is not always easy. We hold on to things for various reasons, motivated by different emotions, pressures, and fears. I can think about a mirror, a pair of jeans, a family heirloom, an unopened Christmas gift; and feel confident that I'm not alone when it comes to clogging up my energy with belongings that don't serve me.

What I've been expanding upon lately is the idea that "live with what you love" can carry to other areas of our lives. Again, thinking of the life energies we work with in Feng Shui, I can see how our careers, relationships, finances, and more can be negatively impacted by accumulated junk.

~ Give and you shall receive. When money is tight or bills keep flooding your mailbox, volunteer at a homeless shelter or clean out your closets for Good Will. Giving away what you have, be it time, used household items, or your positive energy to a friend in need, opens up space for good fortune to come to you.

~ Do what you love and the money will follow. When day in and day out is spent in uninspiring, meaningless work, your life energy is depleted. Focusing your energy on one of your passions is a much better way to live your life. I'm not suggesting that quitting your job and playing your guitar in your living room is a good strategy, but I think you get the point.

~ If you take the opportunity or pass on the opportunity, is your life going to be any better or worse? This idea just makes me think about happiness and contentment. The gravity we put on some decisions is just not in alignment with our core values. Some choices we're faced with can really impact our lives in a positive or negative way. Most will not.

Today's musing is "live with whom you love." Thinking of the people we surround ourselves with...why would we chose to spend time with people that bring us down or make us feel bad about ourselves? We could analyze our choice and try to discover some hidden part of our personality that is drawn to the negativity. OR, we could just chose to not spend our precious time with them. There are many people we encounter on a regular basis that we must coexist with--it's not a matter of choice. In these instances it may help to make a conscious effort to not let this person's energy affect your own...create your own happiness despite the obstacles around you. And make sure that this is a small fraction of your time so you can focus on the uplifting relationships in your life.

By surrounding ourselves with authentic people that make us laugh, make us think, make us feel good...we fill ourselves up and thus have more to offer the people we encounter throughout our lives. It's really a win-win situation. It's Feng Shui for the soul!

So what are you going to get rid of today?

peace, love, and recycling...

"It is a glorious privilege to live,
to know, to act, to listen, to behold, to love.
To look up at the blue summer sky;
to see the sun sink slowly beyond the line of the horizon;
to watch the worlds come twinkling into view,
first one by one, and the myriads that no man can count, and lo!
the universe is white with them; and you and I are here."
~Marco Morrow

Bloom Where You Are Planted

We lay down our roots
Those roots grow stronger, deeper
They nourish us
The earth keeps us safe and sheltered from the elements

The stem is our backbone
It keeps us strong and growing each day toward the heavens
Life travels up and down its path as
We stand tall and strong

We sprout branches
There is no pattern or standard size or direction
They draw from their foundation
Wildly stretching toward the sun

With care and hope and optimism a tiny bud forms
It eases itself open, ever so gently
Full of color and ripe with nectar, confident
Ready for all the abundant opportunities!

Mama Bear evolved

"Out of all the little boys in the world, why did God chose to give me the very best one?"
"Because you are perfect for me, and I am perfect for you."

Partly inspired by Dr. Phil, partly my own maternal material, I've shared the nightly presence of this bedtime exchange between my son and I with many people. It is one of the proudest moments of my day.

It has not been easy to be his mom. But you know what? No one ever told me parenting was going to be easy. Looking back to eight years ago when I first became a mother, it wasn't easy then, even with one of the sweetest, most divine babies God ever made (she is still divinely sweet as an almost-eight year old).

God looked at me and decided that this little soul needed to be put under my care. He looked at our family, what it was and what it was to become, and precisely chose him to be a part of our curvy, bumpy puzzle. With him in it, with all five of us in it, our puzzle is complete. The picture it produces is a beautiful sight.

The Mama Bear syndrome is something I'm curious about and like to explore. I've just realized recently that I've matured as a Mama Bear, no longer as concerned about what others think and more concerned with my own thoughts. It used to be I was afraid I was being judged as a mother if my children misbehaved or did something odd. Or I was afraid that someone else's internal dialogue was asking, "what's wrong with that kid?" Now I've truly come to accept that these children are not mine to sculpt and control. These are three unique individuals who are growing and developing through their own personal experiences in the world. I am here to guide them, to keep them safe and healthy. I try to set a good example of how to live a balanced life. I want to inspire them to be aware, grateful, thoughtful, responsible, confident.

So now when Mama Bear comes out, I'm defending the person my child IS. Someone commented the other day that my son didn't listen to what anyone told him to do. That would have put a pit in my stomach a couple years ago, sending me into a swirl of feelings of inadequacy. Mama Bear leaped out this time declaring that my son is very self-motivated and that trait is going to serve him well down the road. This statement/criticism came from the same person who didn't understand why my three year old was permitted to chose her own clothes each morning. He didn't understand until I explained it to him, then I think he was on board. My children have caused me to think differently, and maybe now I can help others to think differently.

I have something to learn from my son--many things, I'm sure. I will advocate for him and I will celebrate him. I am so grateful to have been able to be home with him every day during those early years when we were all just trying to figure it out. And now he's showing me that this is who he is. He has not made it easy, and for that I'm thankful. I am a better mother and a better person for having to struggle and persevere. And at the end of each day, to be able to look in his eyes and express that unconditional love, I feel that I am doing the job God assigned me well. I feel proud and successful because he knows how exceptional he is. He is a gift to me and I so look forward to discovering all he has to teach me as he grows from a boy to a man. And hopefully he'll find plenty to learn from his Mama Bear as well.

This week's inspiration

I'm not sure how the legalities of this work, but this is an excerpt from Everyday Blessings - The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn. It was as if I was supposed to read this chapter this week--it really spoke to me.

Who's the Parent, Who's the Child?
The demands of the age we live in, its time pressures, economic pressures, and social pressures, all coalesce to rob our children of some of the most precious qualities of childhood. There is a dreaminess to childhood, a moving slowly from one thing to another, that gets torn away under the pressure of time. children now are prematurely pushed to be independent because the parents need them to be. They are growing up more and more in a physical and emotional vacuum, raised by TV and their peers rather than with the guidance and support of adult men and women.

There is certainly enough anguish in the circumstances that befall families, through age and through disease or accident, not to compound it by creating unnecessary emotional burdens and prisons for those we love out of the automatic habits of a lifetime, and to fulfill our own unmet emotional needs. To bring this domain into greater focus, we might ask ourselves what the unwritten and unspoken emotional rules were in our family of origin.

A friend once described only being visible to her father when she spoke with him about his work, which was in science. Only when she failed her pre-med courses did she realize that she was on a path that wasn't hers, and began to focus full time on her art work, incurring the strong disapproval of her father. The tacit rule was, "I am happy to approve of you as long as you do what I want."

These tacit understandings are different in different families. In some, the parents' emotional needs dominate; in others, emotional needs are ignored completely. Unspoken patterns are set up for the benefit of the people with the most power, usually one or both parents. Appeals based on guilt, shame, devotion, duty, responsibility can all be used to manipulate and coerce children to maintain such tacit patterns, leaving little room for the child to have and express his or her own feelings and needs.

Some parents only know how to feel close and connected through their wounds and their pain. they unconsciously want their children to feel their pain with them and, sometimes, to carry it for them. A subtle entraining may take place between parent and child--wholly beneath the conscious awareness and intention of the parent--in which the child learns to tune in to the emotional needs of the parent, often without anything being said. Rather than the parent being empathic and compassionate, the child takes on that role and is expected to empathize with the parent's feelings, troubles, and stresses. The child becomes predominantly "other-oriented," acting as the parent's confidant, a sympathetic ear. The child's own feelings, needs desires get buried. The son may become a "good boy," the daughter and "good girl," at the expense of their own feelings, their own inner selves. The only other choice they may feel they have in order to hold on to who they are is to do something extreme, such as reject their parents completely, get into self-destructive behaviors, run away, or become isolated and remote.

Children have to develop their own sense of self before they can be aware of other in a balanced and healthy way. They need to know how they feel, what they need, what they want. They also need to learn how to communicate appropriately in this domain, and to feel a sympathetic emotional responsiveness from those around them. As we have seen, this is a major responsibility of parents: to actually behave as adults, and respond to and meet the needs of their children.

When this happens, over time children naturally learn to be more aware of other people. They begin to experience what it means to engage in dialogue and have a sense of "the other." They speak, the other listens; the other speaks, they listen. Hopefully, they begin to have direct experiences of reciprocity. Through having their feelings and needs listened to, responded to, and by being able to put their trust in others, they develop the skills needed to have full, reciprocal relationships of their own. In general, this takes some time to develop. For some children, it may be a process, unfolding over many years. For others, it may happen at an early age.

When children feel the latitude and safety to say how they really feel and how they really see things, it is only natural that they will challenge their parents a lot. One of the most frustrating things for us in our family has been our children's skill and certain ages in turning any situation around and making us into the bad guys--making it our fault--making us wrong. being able to acknowledge their own involvement and responsibility takes children a long time, and a lot of patience on the part of parents.