Day 1: Welcome to my home!

I am going to do five consecutive days of feng shui topics to commemorate this last week of winter. One of the main principles of feng shui is that everything is always in a constant state of change. The seasons are a wonderful example of this, and since living in good balance with nature is one of the things we strive to do with feng shui, I thought this would be a good time to embrace change and teach you all a few things you can do to create harmony and peace in your home.

There is no better place to start than at your front door. The main door to your home is very important in feng shui and this door should be used every day. I know many of us enter our homes primarily through the garage, the kitchen door, or some other entrance, leaving our front door to just sit there and look pretty. I encourage you to use this door whenever possible. This is the primary entrance for good energy to enter your home, and your using it keeps that flow active. If you're not using this door, ask yourself why. Is it not convenient? If so, consider changing where you park. Is it a pain because the lock sticks? Oil it up! Are there bushes that poke you when you approach the front door? Cut those babies back! Even if you come and go from this door to walk your dog or check your mail, that is bringing vital energy to the threshold of your home.

If a guest comes to visit you, what is the path they have to take to get to your front door? Make sure it is safe and well-lit. A meandering walkway is always better than a straight shot to the door. Think about how you feel when you're driving down a curvy country road as opposed to a long, straight highway. It just feels more easeful. Make sure there are pretty plants and flowers to look at and to soften the hard lines of the walkway. And in some cases it's appropriate to have a walkway from the street and the driveway so visitors don't have to dodge between parked cars or trudge through the grass to get to your home.

Once that visitor is standing at your front door, what do they see and how do they feel? Your front stoop should be welcoming and cheerful. Cobwebs, loose bricks, old newspapers, and a tattered mat don't leave a good first impression. Again, make sure this area has good lighting for the evening hours--safety is always the first consideration in feng shui. Just the attention you give to keeping this space clean and fresh does wonders for welcoming positive energy into your home.

You greet your guest (and your good energy) at the door...what next? Does the door open fully and freely or does it bang in to a basket of dirty shoes when it opens? What is in the entryway to welcome you in? Consider putting something there that makes you feel at home when you enter, something that reflects the people who live there and the impression you want to give people when they first arrive. This is the first place to make a statement about the rest of your home.

Many homes have staircases that run right down in the front entry way. Obviously, if this is how your house was designed there isn't much you can do about it. However, this layout is not ideal for the free-flow of energy throughout your floor plan. Placing a mirror on the wall at the bottom of your staircase will help discourage good energy from shooting out your front door. Another trick is to not stair-step pictures on the wall in your stairwell. Encourage the energy to meander down the stairs by creating a horizontal display, or by skipping the artwork all together.

In feng shui there is an energetic map that relates specific areas of your home to different areas of our lives. The front door, in almost all cases, will fall in one of three areas: helpful people and travel, career, or knowledge and self-cultivation. Depending on where your front door lies on the front plane of your house, distinct colors, shapes, and materials in your entryway can support these areas of your life. This is definitely something to be mindful of, and if you'd like some help determining what area this is for you, consider contacting me for a feng shui consultation. It's a fun and fascinating process to see how your environment relates to your life. And it's exciting and empowering to gain new knowledge of how you can create more harmony and prosperity by making conscious changes that are in alignment with what you want out of life.

I'm off to take a broom the corners of my front porch and deal with an unsightly pile of extension cords to the right of my front door. Check in again tomorrow for some more feng shui inspiration!

peace, love, and welcome mats....

Hints of Spring

Last night we had to put our 14 year old kitty down. My husband got she and her sister the year before we met. She saw a lot in her long cat life, and her life was good and ended quickly. I am blown away by the number of lives, human and pet, that are ending. As I posted about a week ago, my reality has seen a lot of these heavy transitions lately. But God willing, winter is ending and I'm looking to follow the earth's energy of spring and look outward rather than inward. This is not about me. It is happening and I have no power to change it, I only have the power to decide how it effects me. I feel a sadness for all my loss, but I am comforted by my faith, by trusting that God knows when each loved one's time is complete here on this earth. And others need me. I'm the one who comforts, lifts spirits, and finds the bright side. It's time to get back to that work. So what can I do? What can I do to not continue to be so self-absorbed, so consumed by grief? I can follow the advice I give to others all the time--give. When you feel like things are being taken, give something away. When you feel like things are slipping through your hands, fill someone else's cup. Instead of focusing on the sadness I have within me, take all the love I have within me and share it. I'm tired of examining the things that are happening around me and trying to figure out why? It's time for me to begin doing.

I'm going to start off with cupcakes. Yes, cupcakes. It's giving to me and giving to others. I love to bake--it is comforting to me. The warm oven, the smell that envelopes the whole house, the exacts of 1 teaspoon of this, 1/2 a cup of that. So don't be surprised if you find a half-dozen little packets of love on your doorstep this afternoon. It means I'm thinking about you, I'm thankful for you, and wishing you the hope and happiness that comes along with springtime. Ahhhh...I feel better already.

peace, love, and icing covered gifts of love...

Healthy Habits

Almost two years ago I made a conscious decision to cut out partially hydrogenated oils, high fructose corn syrup, and food dyes from my family's diet. I would say we are successful with this about 85% of the time, and I'm happy with that. My son became an avid label reader, and for a while even dictated to me the sugar grams in every packaged food he came across. It was spurred by the desire to be proactive instead of reactive when it came to my children's health. Again, my son has been the primary motivator for this, since he was the fussy baby. Not wanting to pump his little body full of anti-gas formulas, I cut out dairy and certain vegetables from my diet. After chronic ear infections in his second year of life, we began taking him to a chiropractor. Not only has he had maybe one ear infection since then, I also truly believe that regular adjustments helped him with his developmental delays, in conjunction with the other arsenal of modalities: speech therapy, occupational therapy, clown therapy, music therapy, special needs preschool, and social skills groups. With all this work I was doing with him, changing the way we ate was more than I could take on when he was younger. But once we got out of the forest a bit and got him in to kindergarten, I was determined to put healthier things into his body.

My daughters are great eaters. They love most fruits and vegetables and will try about anything I ask them to try. Although what he is eating is limited in range, what my son consumes is pretty good for him. I make fresh salsa for him a couple times a week and on the back of an organic corn chip, he gets his vegetables. Right now his fruit is limited to green or purple grapes. I'm hoping he'll eat the banana waffles I make from scratch tomorrow morning, if he assumes they're just plain old waffles. Moms have got to be sneaky.

There are several cookbooks out about how to sneak healthy things in to your kids' food. I've tried them, but my kids are purists. They like their meat, their vegetable, their starch, all in their separate corners of their plate. No sauces with eggplant mysteriously mixed in, not even baked goods with chickpeas disguised as butterscotch chips. That's fine with me. I like the idea of exposing them to whole, real foods and if they don't care for them now, we'll try again later.

I want my kids to have a good relationship with food. They pretty much ask permission most of the time before they eat anything and although I sometimes feel like the snack police, I like having that control over what they put in their bodies. It's not always going to be like this. But that's why I keep the focus on health and fueling our bodies, so when they're out with their friends they can make better choices because they are educated. That's not to say I deny them treats. They have plenty of those, and my youngest daughter is quite a junk food lover. I don't want to forbid these foods because that can backfire and they'll binge the second I'm not monitoring them. Heck, even I like to sit down with a box of girl scout cookies and a glass of milk once in a while.

And to look at my kids, they look like healthy kids. Of course, my aggressive use of sunscreen on the girls' milky white skin keeps them quite pail all year 'round (my son has that beautiful skin that picks up a warm glow as soon as the temperatures warm above 60 degrees). Their body types are quite different, but they are lean, strong, flexible kids. I hope to instill the value of a strong body in them so as they develop in to preteens/teenagers/young adults they can resist the pressure to keep up with the magazine covers and the hottest pop star. That is an ambitious goal--I struggle with that as a thirty-something mom. But I tell them (and tell myself in doing so) that this is the body God gave us and it's our job to take good care of it. We can't make it taller or shorter, we can't move a freckle, we can't pick different ears. As Forest Gump said, "I am as God made me." We need to be grateful for our limbs, our senses, and our full range of abilities. Put healthy things in our body, keep it moving, and it will serve us well for a long time.

peace, love, and an organic apple a day...

Heavy Things

Heavy things have been happening lately. I'm talking big life transitional things. I'm talking the biggest life transition--from life on this earth to the next phase. I had two close family members pass within 3 days of each other. I flew home to New England to be with my mom, siblings, cousins, and aunts and uncles. As happy as I was to be surrounded by those beloved people during that time, I craved the closeness of my husband. In the two weeks following that time back home, I learned of five other deaths in the lives of people close to me. Two precious dogs of friends have died this week. What in heavens is going on?

I know that the energies of the past year have been rocky and tumultuous. The state of the economy is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of the unsteadiness of the past year (and beyond). There has been a general sense of instability, of anxiety. The energies that are being ushered in now for the upcoming year are supposed to be more abiding, more calm.

We have been huddled up under our blankets and in front of our fires for months. Where I am we haven't seen as much sun as we typically would, even for this time of year. The air has been damp and heavy. The earth is dense and wet. My yard is covered with branches from the wind on the already stressed an brittle trees. But spring is coming. The seasons are one of the few things that we can count of for sure. Change is inevitable, and the seasons remind us of that. Before too long the sprouts will start showing up on the bushes, the birds will start visiting our backyard, and my favorite vine will turn green again, preparing for the bloom of it's gorgeous aromatic purple flowers. The sun will warm the ground, the kids will play outside again, we can open the doors and let the fresh breeze waft through the house. I keep telling myself that this day is coming. I try to close my eyes and visualize it. I have been shopping for sundresses! But I step outside and I am reminded of the heaviness that still surrounds me, that is still within me.

I need to allow myself to feel. To feel the sadness and reality of what has been happening. It is all outside of my control. I can't affect these events. These are heavy things that evoke true emotion. That aching deep within me that I can't shut off by saying "everything is going to be okay." I know that everything is, in fact, going to be okay, and I know that feeling this pain and sorrow is natural and necessary. I am just allowing myself to feel it, with hope that as the spring creeps in to each morning a little at a time, so will this feeling fade.

And I need to let go of the desire to figure it all out. I've been seeking some explanation for why this has all been happening in this short span of time. What does this mean for me? I need to just sit and surrender to the place of not knowing. That is where my faith comes in. Faith that there is a larger plan, beyond anything I can attempt to explain or justify. I know that I will be taken care of. I know my children and my husband will be taken care of. I want to soften and open my heart so I can receive the lesson or message that will guide me through this upcoming time of new life, new beginnings, and out of this cold, dark, heavy time. I won't forget this period or the people who have passed, but there is growth on the other side.

I woke up this morning and closed my eyes, bare feet on the mossy ground, breathing chilled air through my nose, and I listened to the birds. Chatting back and forth to one another--I wonder what they were saying? I was happy to hear them again. Their chatter fills me with hope.

peace, love, and tiny green shoots...

Experiences & Relationships

Experiences and relationships. These are the two most important things for me to have on my life's chart. Six months after my youngest child started elementary school I'm still struggling with the stay-at-home thing. In my head my value is so attached to my contribution, and I am having a hard time letting go of the idea that this has to be monetary. I've toyed around with different "jobs" I could do--feng shui consultant, marketing assistant, nanny, caterer, cheese girl at Whole Foods. But then I consider the sacrifices I would need to make in order to make me feel like I'm making this kind of contribution.

My husband and I made a decision a long time ago that I was going to be the mom that was home with the kids when they were little, and was there to get them off the bus as they got older. I am the one that takes them to their sports and music classes, doctors appointments and the park on sunny afternoons. My husband does his share of all of these things as well (he made a decision to be a very involved dad). But I sacrificed a career so my children could have a parent to do these things for them. No one way is better than another, but this is what my husband and I wanted for ourselves and for our family. And for me it was an easy decision. My college roommate reminded me the other day that this is what I've always wanted to do. How did I manage to forget that?

I am giving my children the opportunity to have really cool experiences of their own. And I am having the full experience of being their mother. That fills me up! Financially right now, I don't need to have a job. Would it make things easier sometimes? Yes! But we are fortunate right now that my husband makes a fine living--and he doesn't have to sacrifice to do it! He is pretty flexible with his hours, he's excited about what he does, he has to travel very little, and he's home at a decent hour every night. So I think, if it's not to help support our family financially, why would I give up this wonderful job of full-time motherhood for a paying job?

I am a creative person. I was steered down a path of business when I was headed to college. After college I found a nice balance of business and creative in marketing. I never considered being an artist or a musician or a dancer. But looking at myself now, 15 years after graduating, those vocations seem much more in alignment with who I am. I am energized by the study and practice of feng shui, and I can see making a job of this in the time I am not with my children. To think of spending this same time in an office job makes me feel the exact opposite. So I guess what I'm saying is that I can envision having a balance of work and mothering, but as long as it's not driven by a need to provide, it has to be in alignment with my spirit.

I had the honor of writing the first draft of my uncle's obituary recently; to write a brief snapshot of a 66 year life. Not quite sure where to begin, I conducted some research on the internet. The standard format for a traditional obituary is to list the name and age of the deceased, where they were from, and then right on in to their occupation and professional accomplishments. My uncle worked, when the work was available, as a pilot--totally in alignment with his spirit. It made me ponder how my life could be summed up in this traditional format.

My life is rich with experiences. I find things that make me feel joyful and I do them. I am engaged with my three gorgeous children every day. I life in a beautiful part of the world and I take advantage of what resources are available to me locally. I enjoy a lifestyle that the majority of people in the world can never experience (this too I was reminded of by a dear friend). I'm living the American dream, right? What on earth do I have to complain about? Would bringing home a paycheck really make me feel like a complete person? How does it make my husband feel when I tell him I am not fulfilled in my life? What more could I want?

I am changing my perspective. I talk a lot about living with gratitude, but I haven't been fully walking that walk. I am now focused on being thankful for my LIFE, as it is right now. I have to make some difficult choices, but they are nothing compared to the choices many need to make every single day. And when someone sits down to reflect on my life, there will be a long list of experiences that will spark memories for many. But the gems in my life are the relationships I have made through living it. This is what I want my legacy to be. The things I have done, and will do, are great, but I've met really wonderful people along the way. I've touched people's lives, and they have touched mine. Sharing life's moments with others is the true gift.

At this point in time, I am living a vibrant, balanced, blessed, and authentic life. I pray that I can continue to do this as I venture in to my feng shui consulting, as challenges arise (as they always do), if my talents are needed for financial support of my family, as I am inspired to have new experiences, and as life changes. The only true constant is change, and I aspire to live graciously through it all.

I was looking through some of my old electronic folders in my computer and ran across this journal entry I typed in August of 2006. My kids were 5, 3-1/2, and 2, none of them in Elementary school yet. And the end of the summer--always a low point for me. I'm just run-down by that point.

Am I a control freak? Am I too selfish? I want to drink my coffee and start my day peacefully. I want my kids to play together, not fight every chance they get. I want them to talk to one another instead of dealing with everything through their hands. Continuously throughout my day I am breaking up fights, scolding one or all three, time-outs, creatively taking away privileges. And the crying. It seems to never stop. How can a mom listen to her three children cry so much and still maintain her composure? Did I not discipline them enough? Do I know exhibit enough love? Am I thinking about myself too much and what would make me happy?

Deep down I know that they are better off for having me at home and not working. They all 3 would be at daycare from 8-6 every day. They wouldn’t know each other as they do. Maybe they also wouldn’t fight this way. They are bored. I don’t do enough to entertain them. They watch too much TV. At least they sleep well.

Why do I feel so strong on some days and so terribly weak on others? What makes the difference? Is it my hormonal cycle? Is it what I ate or how much water I drank the day before? Is it how I wake up in the morning? What would happen if I turned off the TV right now? How long would it take for all hell to break lose? Is this mothering?

They are getting older. It’s getting easier. They will be reasonable some day. Some day. “Before you know it”. I feel like I’m hovering near the bottom right now and it’s hard to come up to a content level of existence. There is going to be something bad that happens that sends me plummeting…and I can’t see something so good happening that it will lift me up. So I can try to talk myself up onto the little cloud of happy mommydome, but I’m learning as hard as I try I don’t have full control over these things. And something bad will happen to push me back down. That is so negative. I know that doesn’t work. I know it is up to me to create my own happiness. Forget about the coffee. Forget about the peace. Take a deep breath and smile at the kids. Let them hug me and climb all over me. Then take your time. Be deliberate with your movements. Be selective with your words. Start rallying them up now so you’re not rushing. Take a deep breath. Look into their eyes and remember when they were babies.

And eat well today, drink lots of water, be very mindful at yoga, don’t try to do too much. Accept today for what it has to offer. And take another deep breath.

I found this as I was working on my 2010 goals. It's good for me to read. It's good for me to embrace that motherhood has not changed so much for me in those 3-1/2 years, and to look ahead 3-1/2 years when the kids are 12, 10-1/2, and 9--I could probably write the same journal entry. They'll be fighting, they'll be physical, I won't be in complete control of my environment. It will also be important for me to stop what I'm doing and let the kids climb all over me. I'll need to be mindful in yoga, and slow down, and look at my kids while smiling as I remember them as babies.

I'm curious to know--if you have little ones now, do you feel similarly? If your kids are a bit older, maybe middle-school aged, do I have it right?

My mantra for this year is "I'm already there." This is meant to remind me that I can't look into the future and say things are going to be better "when..." I am already there. Now is what matters, and my world looks exactly as it needs to look in order for me to be happy and content. If I remember that now, tomorrow is going to be so much better than I could imagine anyway.

peace, love, and retrospection...

I love to talk about how the Universe speaks to me and sends me messages that somehow explain events that happen in my life, or my mood, or what my next move should be. Sometimes it's a song that comes on my radio, or an unexpected phone call from an old friend, or a passage I read in a book I haven't picked up in a while.

What about the messages that seemingly tell me to stop what I'm doing, or refocus, or to not move forward? With children there always seems to be some emergency, some fire to put out, something that seems to take priority over anything I would want to do for myself. I guess that's the case if you have children or not. Why is that? Why is there such guilt or feeling of selfishness when it comes to being good to ourselves? It's wrong.

When my printer wouldn't work to print out invitations to a workshop I'm conducting, was the Universe telling me that I shouldn't market the event? Maybe I shouldn't even be holding this event at all!

Sometimes we need to look at those challenges as motivators to get us out of our comfort zone. Create a new way to translate what the Universe is saying. Putting out frustration and doubt will just bring that same energy back to me. I don't want that! If I conjure the spirit to overcome and the determination to achieve my goals and maintain my focus on the desired outcome, then all that positive energy is going to come back to me. Thinking of it that way makes an uncooperative printer seem so inconsequential. I called on a friend to help, and she did. What a gift to me, and to her. It feels good to know you have people you can count on in a pinch, and it also feels good to be that helpful person to someone else.

So from now on I'm going to have selective hearing when the Universe talks to me. I will gladly take those positive messages and allow them to nudge me forward along my path. But when I hear a message that is the equivalent of a flashing "proceed with caution" or a flat-out red light, I'm going to challenge myself to find the opportunity for growth or ingenuity or compromise in that situation. God, Goddess, the Universe--my own spirit--wants me to succeed. It's my own thoughts that can sabotage that and I won't allow that to happen.

peace, love, and bright green lights...