I'm trying to think of something in life that is as wonderfully forgiving as yoga. I just love that I can walk in to any yoga class anywhere and feel like I'm not being judged or laughed at. In fact, it's quite the opposite. A yoga class is one of those unique environments where you're alone, but also surrounded by supportive energy and connected to the people sharing the class with you. Well, now that I really think about that, I guess a yoga class isn't unique in that--that's life! It reminds me of a quote I jotted down while watching the movie "P.S. I Love You" the other day. "You're all alone no matter what. So now, all alone or not, you've got to walk ahead. Thing to remember is, if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."

The whole idea behind yoga is that it's a personal experience. It's a body/breath/spirit practice each and every time you do it. I've been practicing yoga regularly for many years and I still can't always get my heels to the floor in downward facing dog. I'm a little bit lower in my split, but only a little bit. I'm much better at arm balances, but have so much room for growth. As my instructor was guiding us through class today she likened yoga to life in that it's in the challenge that we grow stronger. If our minds are wandering and we lose our focus then we need to push ourselves harder. Pull back on the inhale, go deeper on the exhale. And if it hurts, stop! Our bodies tell us when we've reached our limit and we need to listen.

I've realized that I've been daydreaming less the past six months or so. I used to gaze out my kitchen window and imagine I was doing dishes at my waterfront cottage, cleaning up after fixing a healthy snack of fresh seasonal fruit, preparing to jump in my kayak tied up right outside and go exploring. I'd like to think that I'm more mindful, being more present in the moment, but I'm still working on that. I think, however, that I have developed a greater sense of happiness with life as it is right now. I've been doing some things that are out of my regular routine, if you will. I traveled to Italy by myself for a week. I built a website and started a Feng Shui consulting business. I'm working on workshops and presentations. I'm pushing myself a little further and my mind hasn't had the opportunity to wander. Just like yoga!

And living in balance--that challenge and ease, that forward movement and rest--that's an aggressive goal! A body in motion stays in motion, but you have to listen when your body says it's had enough for now. When your kids or your husband say, "hey, we haven't seen you in a while", or when you look out your window and see your tulips have popped out of the ground and you wonder when spring arrived--you've got to listen, and breathe, and relax on the inhale. Those are those moments in between when we gain our strength and maintain our balance.

peace, love, and savasana...

I had a neat encounter today that I want to share. It's one of those seemingly arbitrary occurrences that has left me inspired and thoughtful. First, I must share a bit of the back-story, and I'll try to be brief and succinct.

My kindergartner came home with lice a few weeks ago. For anyone who has had to deal with these pests, you know it's not fun, for parent or child. It involves treatment that takes no less than 2 hours on short hair, then for me it was a trip to the laundromat to wash and dry everything in the house in hot water. Anything else needs to be bagged up and put away for two weeks. Then it's continuous laundry for weeks, re-treatment every 7-10 days...it's a nightmare. I have friends that went through it last year and I've realized that lice is something pretty much every mom is going to have to deal with at some point.

Three or four weeks later the pesky invaders have found their way to my third grader's head, and her hair is twice as long and three times as thick as my 5-year old. They were discovered on the evening my husband went on a 6-day vacation, so it's all on me. Pulling myself up by my bootstraps, we start the treatment (takes much longer on this mane of hair!), start the laundry, and start vacuuming everything. Momentum has taken over and I'm grateful for the lose schedule that comes along with my husband being out of town. Then the dryer broke.

I set the timer, pressed the button to make it start, and the button pops right back out. How, oh how, am I going to stay on top of this mess without a working dryer? Remembering when my washer was broken and I wound up paying a repairman $85 to literally tighten a screw on the lid, I thought I'd explore the issue myself. Ironically enough, I was talking to my husband on the phone from his cruise ship when I zapped myself. Not static electricity like my husband thought, a jolt of electricity shot through my body. Not fun. Not a huge deal, but not fun. Enough to make me call the repairman so I can keep this circus rolling.

When I called to set up the service call they tried to convince me that the dinosaur of a dryer might not be worth fixing. Not ready to shell out the hundreds of dollars for a new machine a week and a half after Christmas, I set up the call for today.

The repairman had a really cool accent, was probably in his early sixties, and was sort of handsome if I'm being honest. Turns out he was from some little country around the vicinity of Russia, Ukraine, and Poland. I'm always curious how these men, skilled with machines, end up at my doorstep. Where has their life path been that has led them to my house this particular day? Anyway, I led him to the laundry room and began explaining the problem.

Low and behold, I set the timer, pressed the button, and the damn dryer was working just fine. Button stayed in, everything sounded like normal, I couldn't believe it. Who in heaven is teasing me when I need to be doing laundry?! Why didn't I continue to check it throughout the day while waiting for this guy to show up? What is it with the washer and dryer that is sucking my dry, one service call charge at a time?

So with a grin on his face and that cool little accent, the repairman says:
"You are lucky. You are lucky, and I am lucky too. First you are lucky because you don't have a broken dryer anymore. Second you are lucky because you did not hurt yourself when you got shocked. I am lucky because I don't have to do work on your dryer. We are both lucky because we have God and God loves us."

At that moment I just opened my heart to what was happening. He was right. He was right by all accounts. He charged me $40 instead of the $60 trip charge and assured me if he had to come back to repair the dryer there would not be another trip charge. I understand that he works for a company that has overhead and was on a schedule and came to my house--to see me turn on my dryer. I do understand it. But instead of thinking about what I could have done with that $40 if only--if only what? Who knows why my dryer decided to start working again. All I know is I was standing there with a complete stranger in my laundry room talking about how God listens when you talk to him. And maybe it took me going through all that...heck, maybe even the lice, to really have that resonate with me.

I believe in God and I believe he listens, but I don't talk that much. Now, people believe in a lot of different things. The message I'm trying to get across is, in times of stress and chaos, we all need to slow down. We need to pause, and breathe, and ask for the guidance that we need. Whether it's a higher being or our own spirit...if we take the time to ask the question and then remain open to receiving the answer, it will come.

Today I wasn't asking why the kids have lice or why the appliances keep breaking down. I was asking how I make sense of the seemingly constant frustration and things not going according to plan. I was asking for guidance through these challenges so I can have peace in my nutty, whirlwind days. I was grateful to have this man knock on my front door today. And I'm grateful that my dryer works again. Next up--the electrician. A lamp blew up this evening and I've had it with my scary, shotty sockets. I wonder what I'll learn from him!

peace, love, and warm, fuzzy blankets just out of the dryer...

I have been doing a lot of thinking about ambition again. New Year's resolutions and all--looking forward 10 years, 5 years, a month from now. My good friend dictionary.com says that ambition is an earnest desire for some sort of achievement or distinction, desire for work or activity. It's so subjective though, and again that is partly due to what society affiliates with success. To attain a goal, no matter what that goal, if you work to achieve it, whether you succeed at doing so or not, you have to have some ambition.

Right now I feel like my goals are not so grand, but my ambitions are. Being a mom means at least some of my accomplishments are going to be tied in to my children, and that is serious business. But it's so important for me to think of myself as separate, and to work toward things that are for me and me alone. And because I take my job of raising these little ones so seriously, I am careful about setting my goals for myself too high. My gosh--what higher goal could a person have than to raise her children well? Who says big ambitions are powerful jobs or a beach house or to run a marathon? Living a balanced life is a big ambition in and of itself.

There is a story that is leading me to think through this a little deeper today. There is a young man born without eyes or the ability to move his arms or legs. He is a talented musician playing in the University of Louisville marching band even though he is in a wheelchair. His father goes to all the practices and games with his son, pushing his wheelchair through all the choreographed maneuvers on the field. He attends classes with his son so that he can have a college experience as much like the other students as possible. The father changed his job so he could work nights and accompany his son during the day. When I read the interviews I learn that this father is happy, and fulfilled, and proud.

I'm sure this man had goals and dreams before his son was born. To have a child with a disability means life as you imagined it is changed. Honestly, I think to have a child period changes life in ways you can't imagine. But this father is so selfless and gives all he has to make his son's life as good as it can possibly be. Is he unambitious for himself? Did he abandon the long term goals he had set or did he postpone them for a later time? Did the meaning of everything just change through his experience with his son, this shining spirit that seems to know no limits? If he is happy and content and proud, then he is successful. His state of being is one to admire.

For that father to be fulfilled and to live each day knowing that he is doing what his heart tells him is right for him...it's inspiring. It leads me to look outside the box of what the typical goals are, what I have been striving to do, and to think more of who I want to be. I think if I keep my focus on living a life I can feel really proud of, what I'm supposed to do with it will become clear to me. For now I have three little people counting on me to show them how to navigate through an increasingly complicated world. And I love being their Mom. Now, I'm going to go there and say that I love it, but it doesn't fulfill me. That's not it for me. I don't know that I could be the parent going through the motions of a college student with my child. I'm not sure what it is that is going to fill me up, but I have faith that I'm on the right path to find it. In the meantime, I am so happy. I love my life, and I love the quest.

peace, love, and meaningful goals...

The theme for the lunchtime request hour on the radio today was songs that represent 2009 for you. The three requested songs that I heard during my time in the car were Walking the Tightrope by Stevie Ray Vaughn, Under Pressure by Queen, and Mercy by Duffy. None of those songs spoke to me; they all seemed a bit negative. Sure, the economy of 2009 has made things tough for everyone, and my family is certainly no exception. But before I start scanning my iTunes for my song of the year, I wanted to reflect and recap what my year was about.

For the past couple years I have started January with my husband away on his annual music cruise. I actually really love this time. I ease through my days on my schedule, I write and read and eat healthy food and get some good rest. By the time he comes home, the tension and chaos of the holidays has melted away and I have had some good introspection time to ground me.

I also started 2009 with a vigorous study of the chakra system. I have been interested in exploring how Feng Shui can help with our health and through reading and yoga workshops I learned a good bit about the mind/body/environment connection. There is still more I want to incorporate in this area--sounds like a great goal for 2010 as well!

Attending church was a consistent spiritual practice for me in the first part of 2009, as my daughter received her First Communion in May. We have a church that we love that leaves me inspired each and every week, and often brings me to tears through the power of the amazing music performed at each mass. Looking back, I see that this really anchored my intentions and was a weekly reminder to stay focused on being the person I want to be every day. This too piddled out a bit as the year went on. I'm beginning to see a pattern here...let's see where I go from here.

I had the good fortune of having a dear friend in San Diego to visit in February, a long weekend I made by myself and thoroughly enjoyed. I caught up with some very special people in my life, and ended my time away with my first paragliding experience! How invigorating! And if you're ever in San Diego, make sure to take the time to visit the Self-Realization Fellowship Temple in Encinitas. It is so peaceful and beautiful...I could spend a weekend in their gardens. I ended February with a performance of devotional chanting by Krishna Das which was a moving and centering experience.

I entertained my design side by attending the Junior League Tour of Kitchens in March. This was a great opportunity for me to step in to some beautiful homes and fill my brain with ideas of what works (and what doesn't). It also reminded me that it's not square footage that makes a home; good energy can be found in small bungalows or large estates. Good flow, pleasing colors, a balance of elements, and simple organization can make any space a masterpiece.

Looking back through my calendar, I realized that once spring hit my focus switched pretty quickly and heavily to the children. A week in Orlando, end of school year activities, then right on in to summertime. Those summer months are always a challenging time for balance. There's a lot fun; swimming, play dates, later bedtimes. But yoga, personal time, reading...these all go by the wayside for a few months. Come fall, my bank is usually pretty empty. New teachers, new classmates, new rules, and general transitions means focus on self is still difficult once the kids are back to school.

This fall, however, I had a wonderful trip that demanded my attention. I was taking my dream trip to Italy. My youngest child started kindergarten and I was rewarding myself for eight years of being a stay-at-home Mom and getting all my kids off to elementary school in one piece. It was a trip of a lifetime (to date!) and the planning of it occupied most of my free time until I returned to my real life in the end of September.

The rest of the year I returned my focus to myself a bit and the direction I wanted to go now that I am an elementary school empty-nester. My website was built, my blogging began, and plans started underway for networking and Feng Shui presentations. I don't feel as mindful as I did in the beginning of 2009, but I am motivated and moving forward, and maybe that's just where I need to be right now. I am quickly approaching the first week of 2010 when I will turn my attention to what I want to accomplish in the next year and am excited to break it down into short-term goals and steps that will keep me consistently moving forward throughout the year. All the while, one of my main objectives will be to remain present and content in the current moment, embracing the joys of my everyday life and the gifts that are all around me (especially the ones that call me Mom!).

So this all started with what song I would use to capture 2009 for me. Now that I've gone on this journey of remembrance, I will listen to the lyrics more closely to see if I can identify my theme. All in all, it was a great year! A year of introspection, fun, and forward movement. I am very excited for 2010 and the birth of my consulting business, and working to find the balance between my passions and my duties. That is something I wish for everyone!

peace, love, and resolutions...

It is hard to resist the definitions of who we think we are supposed to be, based on what society tells us, our family tells us, or the media tells us. There are so many influences out there that lead us to think we should be something different than exactly the way we are. As hard as I resist it, I want to look as cute in those jeans, have a healthful meal on the table for my family each night, and have a smile and some make-up on my face when my husband comes home from his job.

Everyone wants to be happy. Different things make different people happy. Ghandi said that happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. When I meditate, practice yoga, write in my journal, read, and listen to music I feel really in control of what I am thinking. I am more present, more aware, more attuned. When I watch too much TV, spend too much time with people who gossip or are pessimistic, or when I burn the candle on both ends I feel like those messages from the world around me really cloud my ability to feel deeply happy. As I write this I realize how in control I truly am of my own wellbeing. I can make choices in my life that lead me the way I know I want to go, the way I know feels right and true for me. Easier said than done sometimes, but that knowledge is something I can come back to when I'm struggling.

I tend to be a blabbermouth...well, that is my perception of myself at times. I'm pretty open and when I get excited about a topic I tend to get louder. I actually kind of like these aspects of my personality. But one of the worst feelings is when I think back to a conversation and regret having said something. I rarely, rarely, say something to hurt someone else. I am keenly aware of the energy this puts out and the damage it does. For me, it more often would be a slip of the tongue, or just divulging too much of my own thoughts and wandering in to that land where I might offend someone else. I worry about doing this--I probably worry about it too much. In general though, I feel like I have positive things to say and I hope that people hear me expressing myself and not passing judgement on them. I guess that is the best that I can do.

And the best that I can do--if I feel at the end of each day that I did the best I could then, yes, I'm happy. I teach my kids this too. Some days are better than others but I feel like my intentions are always in the right place. So thinking about true happiness, I see that it all starts with my thoughts, and I find it interesting that this is the most challenging part for me. I have my own definition of who it is I want to be, and that has nothing to do with the Jones', or a political party, or generations of women who came before me and did things a certain way (or didn't!). I know what I have to do to feel like I'm on the right path--like I'm living a true representation of my spirit. How empowering is that?!

Thanks for reading my blog today...this, apparently, was just what I needed!

peace, love, and enlightenment...

Have you seen some of these news stories on "hoarders?" These people live amongst filth and garbage because they physically and mentally cannot let go of anything. Sometimes it's sentimental, sometimes it's fear, and I'm sure there are dozens of other reasons why people exhibit this behavior. If we're honest with ourselves, we can all probably admit to holding on to material things longer than necessary. We call it clutter, or a "collection," or just stuff, and it fills our attics, closets, bookshelves, and garages. What has happened, though, is things that once gave us comfort are now dragging us down.



Have you ever just attacked a closet and cleared it out? Bags hauled to goodwill, last season's clothes packed into storage, your favorite shirt from college thrown in the garbage? When you finished the job, like items grouped together, shoes all aligned, everything neat and orderly so you can see everything in it's place--how did you feel? Were you breathing deeper? Did you feel a sense of calm, a clearing of the mind? That newly gained energy makes us want to open the trunks of our cars and dig to the back of the pantry and keep the projects going!



All of our belongings hold the energy of our memories we associate with them. We should look around our homes and be uplifted by what we see. When a couch reminds you of the ex-boyfriend you bought it with, and that's not a good memory, away it should go. And if you can't stand your living room lamp or you're embarrassed by your dining room rug, get rid of them. You don't need to go out and replace them right away...just wait. Get that item that is drawing positive energy away from you out of your house and see what happens. Maybe you'll run across a great sale on lamps and you'll find one that casts a warm, cozy glow on your space. Maybe you'll find that your dining room is much more appealing with the bare floor under your feet. If you don't love it, let it go--and who knows, maybe it will be someone else's treasure.



This year as we were pulling out our Christmas decorations I was reminded of my husband's eclectic collections of baubles he used to adorn his house with when he was single. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, passed to him from various people, some created by him in silly moments of creativity. When we moved in together they stuck around for a little while. But one year I just couldn't bring myself to stick the tinsel toothpicks in my houseplants one more time, and we purged it all. We began our own collection of holiday decorations that represented us and the life we were building together. There wasn't room for his bachelor decor any more. This year we sorted through the dozens of homemade ornaments from the kids' preschool years. Some are so precious we proudly hang them on our tree. Others, well, we decided we don't need gaudy foam angels to remind us of how cute our kids were at three. Some were thrown away, some we set aside to pass to them when they're older and they can decide if that glittery star with their face in the middle makes their heart sing or not.



Simplify. Get rid of the old to make room for the new. Live with what you love. For each new thing you bring in to your home, let something else go. Reduce, reuse, recycle. All great lessons to live by. And all strong messages of Feng Shui! If you need some help getting started, give me a call! Sometimes we need a little nudge to get the process going. After all, there are many reasons why we do the things we do. However, I promise, once you get rid of your "stuff" and clear the space, you'll be so glad you did.



peace, love, and purging...

Take time to give thanks, make time to be giving.
I'm going to stop and think twice about the way that I'm living.
Did I say a kind word? Am I proud of my actions?
You know, a job well done give me satisfaction.

Can I earn your trust, your love and affection?
Just one step at a time in the right direction.
Going to aim for the sky, keep my feet on the ground.
Raise my voice to the heavens, make a joyful sound!

Can I sing for my supper, and play for my rent?
I know it sounds funny, but it's how my time's spent.
Greet every day with full purpose, with passion and pride.
I'm going to follow my heart and have nothing to hide.

A moment of insight--I know why I'm here.
You know, when the time just stops I see it all real clear.
I've got to set an example, make some mischief and fun.
Do unto others and play a fat bass run.

I got to work hard every day, and give it my best.
Grab hold of fear and negativity and lay them to rest.
I know my time here's important. Can I do the right thing?
Practice patience and forgiveness, feel the joy that they bring.

Can I lay down tonight without feeling regret?
I know the love that I give becomes the love that I get.
Well, do you hear what I'm saying? Making sense to you?
Well if you feel it in your heart then you'll want to sing too!

Na na na na na na na naaaaaaa...make a joyful sound!!

I don't want to sound preachy, make you feel all wrong.
Just want to write some kind of lyrics, sing a feel-good song.
It's kind of hard to explain, this feeling I get
From making music, making love, getting both feet wet.

Well every piece to the puzzle snapped tight to the groove,
I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and let my feet move.
You know, I feel a little better now for speaking my mind.
Send good vibes in circulation and see who they find....

One of my favorite songs, Joyful Sound by String Cheese Incident.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!